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What the heck was the Ohio State University thinking when it raised its football ticket price by $10 a game to $57 per ticket -- a 21-percent increase -- for the 2004 season? (Student tickets will go up $5 per game.) The Buckeyes already had the highest-priced ticket in the Big Ten Conference.

Maurice Clarett
Unless you all want to pony up for the 500,000 Clarett jerseys in the back room -- pay up!

A. "Those little stickers we put on our helmets? They're waaaay more expensive than people think."

B. "It was either that, or cut the lone scholarship we divvy up among the rowing, gymnastics and wrestling teams."

C. "Look, one of our best employees ... I mean, umm, one of our most cherished kids, just left the company ... I mean, the university. When you have to win at all costs ... I mean, instill the values of higher education in these fine young student-athletes, it takes money ... I mean, increased revenue flow."

D. "What else are these people going to do? Watch the Browns?"

E. "The public shouldn't really worry about this. All the money will go toward educating America about the fact that we are The Ohio State University ... as opposed to all those other Ohio State Universities out there."

F. "If we're serious about making a run at A-Rod, we're going to need some extra revenue."