Page 2 staff

What the heck was New York Giants' backup quarterback Jesse Palmer (also known as "The Bachelor") thinking when he broke up with Jessica Bowlin, who supposedly had won his heart on the show?

Jesse Palmer
How is he supposed to maintain a relationship? Eli isn't going to get his own water.

A. "Actually, I'm in love with Trista from 'The Bachelorette'."

B. "She repeatedly asked me to carry her purse in public, even after I told her, 'Babe, if your name isn't Eli or Kurt, I'm not carrying anything for you'."

C. "I figure this sudden fame will never fade, and I can trade up now. All my handlers, yes-men and professional parasites agree."

D. "Coach didn't like it that my C-List status as a celebrity was starting to overshadow my C-List status as a quarterback."

E. "Just being on that show had already ratcheted my 'candy-ass' rating on Madden '05 to an unacceptable degree."

F. "I met Kurt Warner's wife. It kind of changed my mind about marriage."