'Whisker Wars' Rates Athlete Beards

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Jimmie Johnson, NASCAR

Photograph By Crystal A Macleod/CSM/AP Images

Alex LaRoche: B+. The three pictures of Jeff Gordon's mustache on Google are Gordon's only redeeming quality. Jimmy's beard takes the checkered flag.

Jack Passion: B. Great locationing, thickness and grooming. I use this as an example in my beginning beard lectures.

Miletus Callehan: C. So when I printed out this picture to review, my printer was almost out of ink and gave Jimmie some fierce chops and sweet 'stache. Yet upon reviewing it later on my computer, it was this bland thing. If you go with what I say Jimmie, I'll bump you to an A.