'Whisker Wars' Rates Athlete Beards

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Brian Wilson, Giants

Photograph By Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

Alex LaRoche: A-. Strong beard, but minus points for hair dye and not pitching any games in the World Series.

Jack Passion: A-. Wilson's beard is legendary in its own right, but attached to such a fantastically unique and authentic human being, we see a rare beard-man synergy of epic proportions. It hurts me that I can't give it an A+. I've said it before and I will say it again: The points I dock are only docked for using dye.

Miletus Callehan: A+++. Why? For three simple reasons: 1. Brian Wilson helped bring back beards into the zeitgeist. 2. That mother uses industrial shoe polish to dye his beard. 3. He shares his name with the greatest Beach Boy of all time.