To: Carlos Quentin
From: ESPN The Mag.com
Q, (can we call you "Q"?)
In case you didn't realize this—and we don't see how someone with such an eagle eye at the plate (15 walks so far!) could miss anything—as of this morning, you're tied for the AL lead in home runs with eight. Ozzie Guillen seems to have noticed. He batted you second yesterday—second!—and thinks you're *&^%ing fantastic!
According to Baseball Prospectus' highly accurate PECOTA formula, this is three less than you're projected to get for the entire year. But don't blame them. (And don't blame us if we're a little flustered as we dictate this letter to our assistant.) Miss Cleo couldn't have predicted your gaudy .407 on-base percentage, your .583 slugging percentage, your 22 RBIs or, heck, even your 2 stolen bases.
Sure, the signs were there. You were an OPS-hog in the minors, with a career .940 line. And you did manage to park 55 homers in 1337 at-bats—which roughly translates to about 22 a season—but who could have expected that you'd have this in you? How could a prospect whose career was being derailed by injuries and an overcrowded Diamondbacks outfield turn into Q the Magnificent?
And now that you're firmly entrenched on the left side of the White Sox outfield we can only expect more. Who would've guessed Kenny Williams was a genius, aside from Kenny Williams, at least?
Don't be surprised if, years from now, when future generations look at the annals of history under the letter Q, instead of seeing the James Bond gadget-master or the mischievous omnipotent being from Star Trek: The Next Generation, they'll find your chiseled smiling mug. At worst, it would be right under Quentin Richardson's.
Q, we love your grit, your heart, your swaggering Jose Canseco-like batting stance (you even look like Jose), the fact that you're leading baseball in being hit by pitches (7), and that you picked off a careless Edgar Renteria, on his way back to first after a pop fly, with a bullet peg from left field!
But most importantly, we love that we got you for $1 in our AL-only fantasy league.
What we're trying to say in all of this rambling swooning prose, Q, is that we love you. But we're still going to try to sell you high.
Don't ever change,