We had a few compelling options for "The Sporting Equivalency" today: Britney Spears turns 27 and Harry Reid turns 69. Frankly, both of those seemed a little easy and Tuesday mornings should be about two things: (1) getting excited for TBS running four straight Family Guy episodes that night and (2) challenges. Naughty by Nature rapper Treach turns 38 today, so we're gonna equate him to athletes. A few notes here: (1) Treach is almost 40? Wow; (2) he was married to Pepa? We had no idea and (3) no matter how you feel about rap music, you have to maintain some appreciation for Naughty by Nature. "O.P.P.," which samples Jackson Five, is an iconic song (No. 22 on VH1's Top 100 Hip-Hop Songs ever!) and "Hip Hop Hooray" has been used in more video games than a 10 year-old boy could play in a single afternoon. Here we go.
Treach's MLB Equivalent: Alex Rodriguez
Didn't want to go here, but the reasons are simple: while A-Rod did attend a posh high school, he was born in Washington Heights and his father left the family. Tough upbringing in some respects, but he got out of it with talent, as did Treach. A-Rod's never won the big one and while Naughty by Nature was a tremendous rap group, you'll never see anyone list 'em that high on all-time lists (until A-Rod grabs the brass ring, people will be hesistant to put him Top 10 individually all-time; we know because we've argued this repeatedly at happy hours). Madonna = Pepa? Not really, but Pepa was pretty hot in her heyday. Finally: A-Rod personifies the NBN song "Here Comes The Money," which is also Shane McMahon's entrance music in WWE.
Treach's NBA Equivalent: Ron Artest
The rap comparison is obvious, although we should note we think Treach might be more sane than Ron Artest. A cursory Google Maps search reveals that Queens, NY and East Orange, NJ are a scant 26.2 miles from each other, meaning Artest and Treach grew up about a marathon race apart. Straight up: Houston Rockets win the NBA Title (it's a possibility!), you just know Yao, T-Mac and Artest have to remix "Hip Hop Hooray," one of the best anthem rap songs of the 1990s. Actually, it would be really awesome to get Rick Adelman in on that, too.
Treach's NFL Equivalent: Joey Porter
Quoting "O.P.P.:" "Now when you do it, do it well and make sure that it counts." Truth. Remember when Porter basically guaranteed a win over the Patriots this season and then the Fins actually delivered? Bonus: Treach often performed shirtless. Doesn't it seem like Porter is often shirtless, or wearing the short jersey that exposes a chunk of his abs? (Examples here, here and here.)
Treach's College Football Equivalent: Jim Grobe
Quoting "Everything's Gonna Be Alright:" "Some get a little, and some get none /// I was one who never had /// I wasn't paid enough." Etc. This is preposterous. Treach is basically nothing like Jim Grobe, although we would give our first-born to see Grobe do any Naughty song at a Wake Forest dinner. (It'd probably look like this.) You could slide any small-school, big-results coach in here, but the point is, what Jim Grobe has done at WFU is amazing. (This season was rough, but the system is strong.) And Deacs fans: "Everything's gonna be alright." He ain't leaving anytime soon.
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