The Dan Le Batard Show's March Sadness

Updated: March 23, 2015, 9:50 PM ET
By The Dan Le Batard Show on ESPN Radio

Jon Rodrigo Varela/ESPN ImagesHave you ever seen Stugotz at Hooters?

Midwest Region
#1) Kentucky: Jeff Van Gundy - Queen of Hearts
#2) Kansas: George Karl- Leader of a nudist colony
#3) Notre Dame: Nene - Looks like a gladiator that will help you slay a tiger then join you as you embark on a quest
#4) Maryland: J.J. Redick - Sketchy car valet who might take your car for a joy ride
#5) West Virginia: Mike Dunleavy Jr. - Looks like a generic police sketch
#6) Butler: Andy Reid - Looks like he waggles his fingers in front of a tray of doughnuts and says, "Don't mind if I do"
#7) Wichita State: Marcin Gortat - Guy who becomes a YouTube sensation by wrestling bears shirtless
#8) Cincinnati: Kris Humphries - Looks like a male cheerleader
#9) Purdue: Russell Wilson - Looks like a male cheerleader
#10) Indiana: Jerry Sloan - Looks like he washes his hair with a bar of soap
#11) Texas: David Shaw - Looks like the president in a cable television network drama
#12) Buffalo: Nick Saban - Guy who runs a lap, looks at his stopwatch and says, "Still go it," while snapping his fingers
#13) Valparaiso: Frank Vogel - Guy who keeps calling you to hang out and you keep creating excuses not to go
#14) Northeastern: Trey Wingo - Looks like a guy who owns a funeral home and does late-night infomercials promoting his seasonally discounted rates
#15) New Mexico State: DeAndre Jordan - Looks like a cartoon moose
#16) Hampton: Chip Kelly - Looks like the guy who leaves comically low tips to service people, then shoots the finger gun and says, "Don't spend it all in one place"
#16) Manhattan: Chip Kelly - Looks like the guy who washes his yacht shirtless

West Region
#1) Wisconsin: Ron Rivera - Guy who wears a lei for his entire vacation in Hawaii
#2) Arizona: Jack Del Rio - Stepdad who tries too hard to be called dad
#3) Baylor: Orel Hershiser - Looks like the father in the picture of the frame that you buy at Walmart
#4) North Carolina: Donnie Walsh - Looks like he's in town to kill a guy
#5) Arkansas: Shane Battier - Tennis coach who gets too close to your wife
#6) Xavier: Tom Thibodeau - Looks like a butcher
#7) VCU: Avery Johnson - Looks like a judge on a daytime television show
#8) Oregon: Romeo Crennel - Looks like the courtroom bailiff in a small southern town who nods off to sleep during the middle of proceedings only to be woken up when the judge hits his gavel
#9) Oklahoma State: Mike Woodson - Looks like he constantly tells his family, "I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes"
#10) Ohio State: Ed Orgeron - Looks like a BBQ pitmaster who is constantly wiping sweat from his face while explaining his secret BBQ recipe is, "cajun love, brother"
#11) BYU: Dwane Casey - Looks like a sad-faced clown who has trouble removing all of his makeup
#11) Mississippi: Mike Budenholzer - Looks like a sad-faced clown who has trouble removing all of his makeup
#12) Wofford: Stephen A. Smith - Looks like the family member at Thanksgiving that takes personal offense when someone else declares sweet potatoes as the best dish over stuffing
#13) Harvard: Tony Dungy - Guy who has fishing lures in his hat
#14) Georgia State: Bret Bielema - Looks like he nicknamed himself "Mr. Saturday Night" and gets mad when his friends don't call him that
#15) Texas Southern: Jack Del Rio - Retired cop who lives on a houseboat and solves crimes in his spare time
#16) Coastal Carolina: Terry Stotts - Looks like a member of Parliament

East Region
#1) Villanova: John Kerry - Looks like the Patriots' logo
#2) Virginia: Jeff Van Gundy - Eats a sandwich while conducting an autopsy
#3) Oklahoma: Pete Carroll - Looks like he runs a dojo
#4) Louisville: P.J. Carlesimo - the reader of the Geiger counter on a remote island who's the first to know some sort of catastrophe is coming to the mainland, but can't get anyone to listen to him because they think he's a kook
#5) Northern Iowa: Charlie Weis - Looks like he was cut in half and accidentally had the bottom half of his body sewn on backwards
#6) Providence: Pete Carroll - Looks like he hits on your wife right in front of you
#7) Michigan State: Mike Golic - Looks like a construction worker in a sewage drain yelling, "I need more light down here!"
#8) NC State: Tyler Hansbrough - Looks like he is being haunted by ghosts that no one else sees
#9) LSU: Tyler Hansbrough - Looks like the overzealous paintball player who rises from the leaves on the ground and asks, "Any last words?" as he shoots you seven times before you can utter a word
#10) Georgia: Stephen Ross - Looks like the old man who wears pajamas with a matching pointy hat and holds a candle to his face while checking on that noise downstairs
#11) Boise State: Marcin Gortat - Looks like a genie
#11) Dayton: Marcin Gortat - Looks like a wizard
#12) Wyoming: Mike Leach - Loudly enters a room and says, "Working hard or hardly working?"
#13) UC Irvine: Buster Olney - Looks like the guy at the gym who uses the treadmill right next to you even though the entire row of machines is empty
#14) Albany: Randy Johnson - Looks like he runs a bar in a small town and when you order a beer, he mutters to himself, "You're not from around here, are you?"
#15) Belmont: Jeff Van Gundy - Looks like the guy who can't sleep in a cold medicine commercial
#16) Lafayette: Joe Maddon - Looks like he would move to Barbados

South Region
#1) Duke: Lou Holtz - Train conductor
#2) Gonzaga: Kendrick Perkins - Looks like a pharaoh
#3) Iowa State: Tony Brothers - Looks like the boxing trainer who slaps his fighter in the middle of a losing bought
#4) Georgetown: Kevin McHale - Looks like the high school biology teacher with feral and unrelenting halitosis, whose wife just left him for the tennis coach (Nick Faldo looks like that tennis coach)
#5) Utah: Mike McCarthy - Looks like an Elvis impersonator
#6) SMU: Ben Roethlisberger - Looks like the way a four-year-old draws a person
#7) Iowa: Mike Krzyzewski - Looks like a lieutenant on the Death Star
#8) San Diego State: Bo Pelini - Looks like a toe
#9) St. John's: Charles Barkley - Looks like a thumb
#10) Davidson: Stugotz - Looks like the guy at Hooters who elbows you and says, "That's what I'm talking about"
#11) UCLA: David Pollack - Looks like an assassin
#12) Stephen F. Austin: Tony Siragusa - Guy who wears a bathrobe that is six inches too short while collecting his morning newspaper
#13) Eastern Washington: Brad Stevens - Guy you must defeat in a sailboat race so that his daddy can't acquire your family's land to build a country club
#14) UAB: Colin Cowherd - Looks like the guy who borrows money from the mafia, but can't pay it back in the movies
#15) North Dakota State: Jim Caldwell - Looks like a mechanic who comes out with a rag, wipes his brow and says, "It's gonna be a while"
#16) North Florida: Scott Van Pelt - Looks like one of the male reproductive organs
#16) Robert Morris: Scott Van Pelt - Looks like a rodeo clown


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