NFL's new policy? Grin, and won't wear it

AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh

As part of the NFL's new security policy, binoculars, cameras and smartphones will be permitted.

The NFL has a new "no bag" policy, one that doesn't have the usual allowance for women's purses. The policy provides specifics on bag size, and the league stated the rules were changed to an effort to tighten stadium security and provide "a safer environment."

The only purses now allowed have to be the size of a clutch bag. You know, the kind that usually come lined in satin and barely fit a cell phone. Otherwise, both men and woman are limited to a clear plastic bag the size of the one-gallon freezer variety, plus the clutch.

(Mark this as the moment 37 percent of men first heard the word "clutch" and 9 percent searched "man-clutch" on the Internet.)

This policy may cause outrage, but it's only fair. Ever since the high-security era arrived, women had an advantage when it came to hauling their stuff to most games, because purses were allowed in when backpacks weren't. I'm no It Bag expert, but it seems the average handbag size has expanded over the years. They are huge. Some of those leather saddlebags with fringe could pack an entire cooler of beer, with room for chips and sandwiches.

Men have been shut out from their usual bag of choice for years (backpacks) -- what security-based reason denied them while women previously got to keep theirs? The new NFL policy may be annoying on a cold day and may require more trips to the concession stand for food and -- bonus! -- NFL apparel, but it is ultimately gender-neutral. Everybody will be equally annoyed.