Failing like clockwork
In case you were too busy wondering what exactly would be in Lindsay Lohan's tell-all book that hasn't already been in the tabloids and missed out on sports, we've got you covered. Here's everything you missed this weekend.
Proving my long-fought sports bar contention that maybe the problem wasn't Jessica Simpson but the fact that Tony Romo, you know, just isn't that great, the Dallas Cowboys blew a 23-point halftime lead on Sunday to lose to the Green Bay Packers. The Matt Flynn-led Green Bay Packers, to be exact. Romo threw two interceptions in the fourth quarter and the 'Boys defense seemed to forget what their sole task was on the field as the Pack rallied for a 37-36 victory in Dallas. Naturally, the Internet crowd had some fun.
Tony Romo Gives back during the holidays pic.twitter.com/M03sAbWlbl— Terez Owens (@TerezOwens) December 16, 2013
Even fast-food chain Arby's got in on the trolling fun. It really was that easy.
All these turnovers have got us craving .... turnovers. pic.twitter.com/mODLSXwg1b— Arby's (@Arbys) December 16, 2013
Emotionally-mature-adult-paid-a-boatload-of-money-to-catch-footballs-and-hang-out-by-a-field-for-60-minutes-of-action Dez Bryant continued his season-long quest to not win a sportsmanship award as he disregarded one of his two job requirements and left the field before time had expired. He justified the move on his Twitter account.
I walked back to the locker room because I was emotional...it had nothing to do with my teammates we had it... We fought and didn't finish— Dez Bryant (@DezBryant) December 16, 2013
In Bryant's defense, he was just following the lead of team owner Jerry Jones, who also seemed too disgusted to watch the game's conclusion.
Boatload of fun
Legendary coach Phil Jackson channeled -- through Zen of course -- his inner jolly bearded fellow over the weekend at a holiday boat parade, which I think is something rich people who live in warm places get to enjoy. His girlfriend and daughter of his former employer, Jeanie Buss, posted this picture.
While he's not exactly smiling, that Chicago Bulls circa 1997 smirk is a sure sign Jackson is enjoying himself. Or he's just replaying one of his 11 NBA titles in his head.
Wrapping up her workout
Maybe British tennis star Heather Watson has been listening to a little too much 2 Chainz during her offseason workouts lately.
R.I.P., she just killed the gym. R.I.P. R.I.P. I'll stop now.
Why didn't I think of that?
To the surprise of absolutely no one on the planet, Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston won the Heisman on Saturday night. Blah, blah, blah. But the night's most-buzzed-about moment had to be Dee Dee McCarron, mother of finalist AJ McCarron, posting a picture with 2012 winner and frat boy icon Johnny Manziel.
Obviously the Internet collectively started singing, "AJ's mom has got it going on" while retweeting and sending to friends. Somewhere out there, probably sitting at an audition for a reality show about D-list stars dancing with animals, Katherine Webb is fuming she didn't think of that photo op.
Scent of a bargain
Pour a little of your coffee or orange juice out this morning for the demise of Khlomar. Khloe Kardashian filed for divorce on Friday from NBA free agent Lamar Odom. No word on what this means for their clearly misleadingly named "Unbreakable" unisex cologne. But it would probably make a great discounted gift for that special person you don't really care about.
Well, as they say, nothing in life is certain except death, taxes and Kardashian divorces.
Finally, Olympic gold medalist and reigning World's Fastest Man Usain Bolt raced against a bus in Argentina over the weekend. Because, why the heck not.
See something worthy of inclusion on social media? Send it my way on Twitter, @darcymaine_espn.