Buzz That Was: Warm and furry
In case you were too busy sleeping on your couch during the snoozefest known as the Super Bowl and missed out on actually watching, we've got you covered. Here's everything you missed last night.
Sad face, happy face
The Denver Broncos decided to take a break from all the Super Bowl parties and festivities to make an appearance at some game. That game was of course Super Bowl XLVIII where they all but giftwrapped the Vince Lombardi Trophy for the Seattle Seahawks. Led by its dominant "Legion of Boom" defense and quarterback Russell Wilson's 206 yards and two touchdowns, Seattle completely humiliated Denver 43-8. That is not some sort of exaggeration. That's the actual score. It was as painful to watch as it sounds. Seahawks linebacker Malcolm Smith was named the game's Most Valuable Player.
The Seahawks got on the scoreboard just 12 seconds into the game after a miscue on the snap between quarterback Peyton Manning and center Manny Ramirez resulted in a safety.
It was all downhill from there for the Broncos. Although for those who enjoy a good "Manning Face" sighting, that was just the beginning.
While Peyton suffered through his misery, Seahawks fans had to patiently sip their grande iced soy caramel macchiatos (no whip) for three hours while they waited to celebrate the inevitable. When the time finally came, they did so in style with fireworks out of the iconic Space Needle. Of course.
Fireworks off the Space Needle. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS WON THE SUPER BOWL!!!! pic.twitter.com/AeXGs0i5Lp— Hyphen (@DJHyphen) February 3, 2014
All fur nothing
The Seahawks may have won the Super Bowl, but Joe Namath won the night. Wearing a ridiculous fur coat that he likely borrowed from Miley Cyrus' closet, the Hall of Fame quarterback completely botched the coin flip to start the game.
And social media was instantly sent into a feeding frenzy to a level not seen since Taylor Swift awkwardly and erroneously thought she had won an award at the Grammys last week.
Not sure if joe namath or monkey pic.twitter.com/D9xmmkjxkV— YA BOY BILL NYE (@yaboybillnye) February 3, 2014
I think Joe Namath's fur coat just bit someone.— Jeff Howe (@jeffphowe) February 2, 2014
This really happened
Malcolm Smith, you just won the Super Bowl! What are you going to do next? While the Seahawks linebacker did not say, "I'm going to … be interrupted by a man shouting about Sept. 11 conspiracies at my MVP press conference," that's actually what happened to the game's unlikely hero.
Smith looked understandably shocked, but proved his media prowess with a "someone check his press pass!" line immediately after.
Dance does his talking
Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch made headlines during Super Bowl week for his reluctance to speak to the media due, of course, to being "bout dat action" instead. Despite winning, you know, the Super Bowl, Lynch remained a man of few words. Just about 40, to be exact.
MARSHAWN LYNCH TRANSCRIPT pic.twitter.com/IxTJHwFBpj— LPG - Joe (@LicensePlateGuy) February 3, 2014
Instead of that whole overplayed talking thing, Lynch chose to express himself through the art of dance. Warning: This video contains explicit language.
On your Mark (Cuban)
After the very first play from scrimmage resulted in a safety, just like you and everyone else on the planet claimed you predicted after the fact, Dallas Mavericks owner and really rich person Mark Cuban found a way to gain the attention that he so desperately craves.
I HAD SAFETY ON THE FIRST PLAY IN VEGAS !!!!!!!!!! 1mm to 1.. $20mm BABY. #Unbelievable— Mark Cuban (@mcuban) February 2, 2014
After creating an immediate firestorm on Twitter with the news, Cuban sent out a since-deleted tweet that said "psych :)." moments later. Is "psych" how rich people think common folk spell "sike?" Does this mark the first "sike" usage since 1995? Did Mark Cuban not get enough hugs as a child? We may never know the answers to any of these questions.
While Peyton couldn't mask his disappointment, the Denver Broncos abysmal night can perhaps most accurately be summed up by a single facial expression of his brother Eli Manning during the fourth quarter.
Archie Manning, Eli and Peyton's father, was nowhere to be seen by that point. Presumably because he left out of sheer embarrassment or because he knew how bad traffic would be later.
How was your party?
With apologies to your famous queso dip, Ray Allen hosted a better Super Bowl party than you did. The Miami Heat guard set up a 35-foot inflatable screen by his pool -- that overlooks the ocean, NATCH -- and invited his teammates to watch the game and eat food that you and I would have to save a month's paycheck to provide.
Note to self: Find a way to score an invite to the Allen family's 2015 Super Bowl shindig.
Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers (for about 45 seconds, that is) provided a bland and safe halftime performance that your grandfather didn't totally hate and which you've probably already forgotten about by now. Before the game, the gang over at "Saturday Night Live" imagined an alternate reality in which Broadway stars had to replace the two headlining acts due to transportation issues.
Somehow, this might be the best Peyton Manning looked all weekend. Glitter and jazz hands, included. But if you're still clamoring for an entertaining halftime show, look no further than Keyboard Cat at the Puppy Bowl. You can thank me later.
See something worthy of inclusion on social media? Send it my way on Twitter, @darcymaine_espn.