Formula One's pit-to-car radio is a constant source of entertainment and amusement throughout any season. This season has been no exception. But who won our award for radio rant of the season? Read on to find out.
Fernando Alonso vs. The world
Fernando Alonso has not exactly been shy about his voicing frustrations with Honda these past few years. This year was full of the two-time world champion shaming McLaren's engine partner at every opportunity, though it wasn't just Honda who got caught in the crosshairs....
"How the hell they can overtake me? 300 metres behind me at the beginning of the straight. I never raced with less power in my life."
The extent of Honda's third successive failure was laid bare in the opening races and Alonso had no problem sticking the knife in when he had the change.
"Remember your drinks..."
"I don't need f---ing drinks! There is enough concentration just to keep the car on the road."
A gentle reminder in China to stay hydrated is met with an angry response as Alonso tries to wrestle the MCL32 into the points.
"The engine feels good. Much slower than before. Amazing!"
The Spaniard delivers his finest dose of sarcasm during another frustrating session at his home race in Barcelona.
"We have embarrassing power in this mode."
Alonso comes back to earth with a bang at the Canadian Grand Prix after his heroics at the Indy 500.....
"Embarrassing. Really embarrassing."
...An opinion he maintained five races later at the Belgian Grand Prix, where the Japanese manufacturer failed to deliver promised upgrades. It was the race which appeared to finally signal the beginning of the end of the McLaren-Honda partnership.
"I don't know why they push me so much, you know? They cannot play bowling."
His frustrations weren't limited just to his power unit, however. Here he questions the driving of some of his midfield rivals after being punted off at Turn 1 in Austria.
"Where is Palmer?"
"Palmer has retired."
Alonso and Jolyon Palmer came to blows early on in the Italian Grand Prix. Sympathy was hard to come by when the Renault failed to make the chequered flag.
"What an idiot! Hulkenberg is right...."
Alonso makes reference to Nico Hulkenberg and Kevin Magnussen's heated exchange at the Hungarian Grand Prix -- where the Danish driver was called "the most unsporting driver on the grid" -- during a close fight with the latter in Malaysia.
"Let's get the f--- out of here!"
Daniel Ricciardo's season started in frustrating circumstances at the opener, his home race in Australia. After retiring at mid-distance, the Honey Badger was in no mood to hang around Albert Park .
"Jenson, my friend, I'm sure you wanted to hear my voice before starting the race! Just wishing you the best of luck. We followed you here on TV you did amazing yesterday. Take care of my car!"
"Ok... I'm going to pee in your seat!"
"[laughs] No please!"
Hours before starting his rookie Indy 500, Fernando Alonso wishes Jenson Button good luck from across the Atlantic as his former teammate prepares for his stand-in appearance in Monaco. He probably had even less desire to return to the McLaren cockpit after the 2009 world champion's joke.
"How can this take so long? If this is a solid blue he should just f---ing move out of the way!"
It wouldn't be a list of radio grievances without Kimi Raikkonen ranting about lapped traffic and blue flags. This one was from Austria but, let's face it, it could have been from any of the races for the last six years since his return....
"Hey what the f--- is this Williams guy doing? If he cannot see he should stay on the reporting stuff."
Paul di Resta's one-off return in place of the unwell Felipe Massa in Hungary (where he had originally been as a Sky Sports pundit) seemed to be popular with everyone -- everyone, that is, except from Raikkonen.
"Yee-haaa! Yeah guys! Yeeeeaahhhhhhhhh!!! RAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Ricciardo celebrates holding off the charging Lewis Hamilton for the final place on the podium in Austria as only Ricciardo could...
"Massa is next, he is alone now."
"I like 'em vulnerable."
...and then delivers one of his most memorable messages of the season when closing in on Felipe Massa in Italy.
"He wants to play bumper cars or something!"
Max Verstappen questions Sebastian Vettel's attempt to pass during a tussle for position at the British Grand Prix.
And the winner is...
There is only one man who deserves the award for radio rant of 2017. When you think of amusing radio messages in F1, one man comes to mind: The Iceman, Kimi Raikkonen. He delivered on that this year on more than one occasion (see above).
But he saved one of his all-time best for during the red-flag stoppage during the dramatic Azerbaijan as Ferrari wheeled him down the pit lane -- minus his steering wheel and race gloves, that is, which were being carried by an engineer next to his car. Cue the most frantic message you're ever likely to hear from the usually-monosyllabic Finn.
"Steering wheel! Gloves and steering wheel yeah. Hey! HEY!! Steering wheel, somebody tell him to give it to me! COME ON! MOVE!"
Never change, Kimi.