It has been well documented, yes.
Successful? Not so much.
I am speaking, of course, about my attraction to Anne Hathaway. I've written about it before -- some might say comprehensively; searching "Matthew Berry Anne Hathaway" on ESPN.com returns 36 results -- and, my friends, you will not be shocked to learn I have yet to meet Ms. Hathaway.
I bring this up because recently I did a podcast interview for a women's sports site. My one-sided relationship with Anne was discussed, and the host of the podcast, Erica Boeke, took issue with my choice of Anne.
She's all for my finding love; she just hates my current object of affection. No one is ever happy. Anyway, she recently wrote a column in which she suggested I get rid of Anne and suggested 14 new women for my celebrity crush. I thought that maybe a woman would have some good insight I hadn't considered. I am always open to matchmaking and have been on a number of blind dates. So, for my celebrity crush, it's good to get a fresh perspective. Or give my editor an excuse to run photos of crazy-hot (or crazy hot) women in this space.
Here's who Boeke suggested, along with my comments:
Jessica Biel: Get real. Even with my huge ego, I would say there's no chance. For this to work, there has to be at least a modicum of "you never know, if we were alone at a bar late, and she'd had a few and was in a 'I'm done with model-looking guys, maybe I'll slum with a funny guy' mood, it could happen." Her supposed ex brought sexy back. What am I bringing back? Not my hair, I'll tell you that.
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Known as "Love" to those closest to her, this is an immediate nonstarter. A great-looking girl who, by all accounts, is really cool, she is dating Jamie Kennedy. And, totally random, but my kid brother is actually very good friends with both of them, especially Kennedy. Like, invited-to-my-brother's-wedding close. It would be creepy and weird. OK, I realize I am talking about an unrequited celebrity crush here, so, um, it would be more creepy and weird.
January Jones: Definitely a fan, but it's important to me that I am the palest one in the relationship, and, as per "New York" magazine, just too many unanswered questions.
Amy Adams: She's been engaged for years. I'm always very respectful of relationships, and plus, this strains the credibility factor. She's a movie star and she's engaged. No way. Come on, Erica. At least with Anne, you had the fact that she was single and vulnerable, and clearly, after her relationship with the con guy, had very questionable taste in men. That I can work with!
Kate Gosselin: Single moms with eight kids are always a tough sell, especially when they are complete and total witches. And words that rhyme with that. Plus, I don't own any Ed Hardy shirts, and it seems her type of guy is the one who has a closet full of them.
Ginnifer Goodwin: Not my type. Too alliterative.
Jennifer Aniston: We talk a lot in fantasy about bye week replacement. Like last week -- OK, Peyton Manning is my quarterback, but he's on a bye. Do I love Matt Cassel? No, but I can live with him for a week. Or like the Phillies. They wanted Roy Halladay. Couldn't get him, so they get Cliff Lee. Not as good, but very solid. But if they couldn't get Halladay, they weren't going to go out and get Brian Moehler. Well, after you marry Brad Pitt, you're not going out with me. Period.
Shenae Grimes: I do love my "90210" and have been known to date younger, but not that young. She's super-cute, but I can be creepy all on my own, thank you very much.
Rachel McAdams: Very hot in "Wedding Crashers." Single. After Ryan Gosling and Josh Lucas, she might be in that "Julia Roberts, I'm sick of great-looking guys, I'll try Lyle Lovett" phase. Potential.
Danica Patrick and Natalie Coughlin: As in, a tie between two sports women, not both at the same time. I like the idea. My ideal woman loves sports. But Danica is taken and not my type. Natalie is currently on "Dancing With The Stars," and as someone who has appeared on the show as a commentator, I can't let my integrity on something as crucial as DWTS be compromised.
Kirsten Dunst: Pretty and strikes me as kind of crazy. And if you've read my column for any amount of time, you know that's my type. Another contender.
Natalie Portman: She's Jewish like me, crazy hot and brainy. She's the mother of Luke Skywalker. She did this. She is, quite frankly, too awesome for words. A good choice but perhaps ... too obvious? I don't know. I feel like she's Ray Rice in the preseason. Yes, I love him. But so does everyone. I want this one-sided celebrity crush that has no chance of materializing to be, you know, special.
Dunst, Portman and McAdams make the final cut, but I'm not ready to commit just yet. I need more information. More research. And more names. But it's been a good exercise. Looking over a list of someone I should "cut" and people I should consider "picking up"?
Not all of them work for me, some are taken in (or out of) my league, but the point of Boeke's column is interesting. Time for me to change it up. To consider different names. To get rid of someone who is not working for me.
Yep, just like fantasy football. (Saw this one coming a mile away, right?) It's time to consider cutting bait on guys like Steve Smith of Carolina. I'm not saying to drop him, but his days of being an automatic starter are long gone. We are six weeks through the season. You now know quite a bit. The days of saying, "Yeah, I love Anne Hathaway, she's my WR1" are over. Carefully consider each and every option -- including the ones listed below -- before setting your roster.
Don't look back in anger
"Second verse, same as the first!"
Here are some guys I previously have suggested you pick up and who are still available in way too many leagues. They should be picked up before any of the guys listed below. I've listed them in the order I would claim them. As always, ownership percentages are for ESPN standard 10-team leagues.
Miles Austin, WR, Cowboys (36 percent); Sidney Rice, WR, Vikings (29 percent); Heath Miller, TE, Steelers (61 percent); Hakeem Nicks, WR, Giants (11 percent); Mohamed Massaquoi, WR, Browns (16 percent); Visanthe Shiancoe, Vikings, TE (37 percent); Johnny Knox, WR, Bears (61 percent); Jeremy Maclin, WR, Eagles (29 percent); Cincinnati Bengals D/ST (30 percent); Donnie Avery, WR, Rams (51 percent); Anthony Gonzalez, WR, Colts (52 percent); Austin Collie, WR, Colts (15 percent).
And by the way, if Steve Breaston, WR, Cardinals (68 percent) is somehow still around in your league, he is going to have a big game this Sunday against the Giants and will be productive going forward.
Pickups of the week
"Say baby, can I borrow a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you."
Laurence Maroney, RB, Patriots (15 percent): Make no mistake, he is not for the weak-hearted. If you thought last week's pickup column was threadbare, wait until you see this list of junk. So it's appropriate that we start with Maroney, who has killed more fantasy teams than Tom Brady's knee, Mike Shanahan's running back rotation and Al Davis' existence combined. But when Sammy Morris went down for his annual injury, Maroney picked up the slack. He looked healthy, with 19 touches for 133 yards and a score in Week 6. I like the fact that he caught three balls out of the backfield, that he's on an offense that can get even Brian Hoyer fantasy points and that his coach is a vindictive jerk, er, a guy who enjoys the competitive spirit of the game until the final seconds of the game. On the road (In England! The olde one!) against a terrible Tampa Bay run defense, I'm expecting a big game from him Sunday. Realize there is no rhyme or reason to the Pats; they plan for each game's opponent, so you are playing with fire here. But in a week with six teams on byes, it gets ugly quickly.
Lance Moore, WR, Saints (49 percent): Here's an e-mail I got after last week's column.
Patrick (Minneapolis): TMR, loved the pickup column this week. "If you haven't failed, you're not trying hard enough". You've mentioned Lance Moore two weeks in a row, but he's not on the radar anywhere else (not even top 50 in Big Rotowski). What makes you think he'll break out instead of the other Saints receivers?
TMR: Yes, I'm now mentioning him in three straight weeks since he's still available in half our leagues. He should be in the "Don't look back in anger" section, but I put him here to explain that yes, he's going to be a big part of arguably the best offense in the league. In addition to his six-for-78-and-a-touchdown game Sunday, the thing I like the most is that he was the second-most-targeted player on the Saints, one behind Marques Colston. He's got great rapport with Drew Brees, and he's going to be a very solid third-tier wideout the rest of the way. (Think top 30 or so.)
Justin Fargas, RB, Raiders (3 percent): Fantasy value changes on a dime, and Justin Fargas is the poster boy for it. The Raiders have a pulse, and Fargas, to the surprise of everyone, got the bulk of the work in Week 6's win over the Eagles. And man, was that just a crushing loss for the Eagles, who had no business losing to a team like the Raiders. I mean seriously, what a pathetic showing. None of that has anything to do with fantasy, but as a depressed Redskins fan, I can find solace only in the misery of the Eagles. It's all I have. By the way, they play each other on "Monday Night Football" this week. Two reeling franchises battle in the nation's capitol to settle which of them sucks less. Don't miss it! Anyway, Fargas had 24 touches for 98 yards, and he faces a Jets team that just lost Kris Jenkins.
Mike Bell, RB, Saints (29 percent): Here's another e-mail about last week's column.
Mark Marino (California): Why is Mike Bell in "dumpsville?" Isn't he going to return next week and run ramshackle over the rest of the league? Thx.
TMR: He was in "dumpsville" because the Saints were on a bye in Week 5, and this year, more than ever, you need to make tough choices. That's what Dumpsville is about. It says so right in the explanation -- it's not a section of guys who have no business on your roster; it's a list of players who, if you had to get rid of them to make room, I wouldn't call you out for pulling the trigger. Now, it does you no good if I suggest you dump Joey Galloway. Heck, even the Patriots know that. He's already long gone, if he was drafted at all. But with so many committees and emerging wide receivers, you will have to cut good, productive players at some point. The tradeoff is you are grabbing guys like Miles Austin or Brent Celek or Sidney Rice for them. Bell is injury prone and the No. 2 running back in a three-headed monster. As always, I'm trusting you to think for yourself. I always say to not follow me (or anyone) blindly. That said, Bell came back and got a goal line touchdown and almost had another in Week 6. He had only 34 yards on 15 touches, and I still would much rather have Pierre Thomas the rest of the way, but clearly, Bell will have some value.
Michael Crabtree, WR, 49ers (25 percent): I'm not a fan of wide receivers who are or do one of the following: rookies, hold out of training camp, on a run-first team, named Terrell. Since Crabtree qualifies as three of the four, he's on this list for one reason only. The future. Look at the 49ers' schedule starting in Week 12: Jaguars, at Seahawks, Cardinals, at Eagles, Lions, at Rams. Other than Philly, those are a bunch of terrible pass defenses. I'm not playing him anytime soon, but I definitely would stash him if I could, as he might have nice value toward the end of the season.
Andre Caldwell, WR, Bengals (3 percent): I've mentioned him a few times before, and truthfully, I still don't totally trust him. But he's scored in two of his past four games, he's second on the Bengals in targets and he's at home against the Bears this week, which is not a terrible matchup.
Just below the Mendoza Line
It's a baseball saying, but it's appropriate here as well. Here are some guys who shouldn't be picked up in 10-team leagues, but for those in 12-team or deeper leagues, I like them, and you should keep an eye on them.
I still believe in Matt Forte, but if Lovie Smith decides he no longer does, Garrett Wolfe, RB, Bears (1 percent) looked solid to me Sunday night. ... I keep mentioning Mike Wallace, WR, Steelers (3 percent). He doesn't get enough looks to warrant using in 10-team leagues, but I like him a lot. He does have at least seven fantasy points in three of his past four. ... Mike Thomas, WR, Jaguars (1 percent) got nine targets Sunday. ... He's buried on the depth chart right now, but it's worth noting that Domenik Hixon, WR, Giants (42 percent) came back from injury last week and will be more involved in the offense moving forward. ... At some point, the Redskins have to find out what they have in Devin Thomas and Malcolm Kelly. ... Same goes for Vince Young, QB, Titans, although I don't have high hopes. I mention him just because I don't want you to think I'm not aware. I am. I just don't like him. ... Chad Henne, QB, Dolphins (3 percent) had a nice game on Monday night in Week 5. Don't love him against the Saints this week, but he'll have some OK matchups in the future. ... Same for Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB, Bills (1 percent), as I don't think Trent Edwards is coming back anytime soon.
"Here goes nothing ... "
With six teams on byes, you might be looking for a Hail Mary-type play. Here are some super-deep sleepers for Week 7, if you are truly scraping the bottom.
John Kuhn, RB, Packers has three scores in three weeks and gets Cleveland at home. He's all or nothing, though. ... BenJarvus Green-Ellis, RB, Patriots, also could get some work in a blowout win against Tampa Bay. ... Same for Julian Edelman, WR, Patriots. ... Jacoby Jones, WR, Texans, now has four scores in six games. ... Everyone runs on the Chargers, and Kansas City will be no exception. Hence Jamaal Charles, RB, Chiefs could get you a few yards. ... Speaking of San Diego, you always start your tight end against them. So hello, Sean Ryan, TE, Chiefs. He has two scores on the season already. ... Finally, David Clowney, WR, Jets might be the only healthy Jets wide receiver who will also not be guarded by Nnamdi Asomugha.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You
As always, these are not guys I'm saying you should drop, but if you need roster space, I have no issue with it. These are good players who will have productive weeks but who, ultimately, I feel are not going to be the guys who lead you to the promised land based on schedule and who else is available in ESPN standard 10-team leagues.
Carson Palmer, Eli Manning, Sammy Morris, Beanie Wells (although I still really like him), Reggie Bush, Derrick Ward, Larry Johnson, Darren McFadden, Glen Coffee, LenDale White, Justin Gage and Kenny Britt, Eddie Royal (yes, he returned two, but still didn't catch a pass), Terrell Owens (OK, they're not all "good"), Lee Evans, Roy Williams, Patrick Crayton, Josh Morgan, Earl Bennett, Laveranues Coles, Devery Henderson and ... Anne Hathaway.
Matthew Berry -- The Talented Mr. Roto -- wants Anne to know that it's not her, it's him. He is also the creator of RotoPass.com, a Web site that combines a bunch of well-known fantasy sites, including ESPN Insider, for one low price. Use promo code ESPN for 10 percent off. Cyberstalk the TMR | Be his Cyberfriend