If everyone is debating whether to pay to watch Tiger vs. Phil, I think setting up next year's match with the golfers we'd shell out $20 to see will be easy.
I know Reed would do most of the smack-talking -- until Spieth got to a boiling point. That's what everyone would be paying to see.
You'll have to keep checking your television to make sure it's not on mute. It won't be. Oh, it'll feel like it though. Silence. That's exactly how much talking will be going on. They might mumble a word or two to each other, and we know what that would sound like. So ... Vegas side bet: Over/under on how many times you hear "bro" or "brah" is set at 125.
Here's the rule: Neither of them can talk. Just let them be surrounded by hecklers and see what happens. Poulter's hecklers are chosen from Twitter and Thomas' come only from select Auburn fans.
The last time these two dudes faced off in the 2016 Ryder Cup at Hazeltine, the drama was off the charts. In that one, they showed good sportsmanship. But put them in a PPV, where neither would be afraid to say things that would get under the other's skin and without having to worry too much about the PC police? Yeah, sign me up for that.
No, these two wouldn't talk a ton of smack, but Tiger needs another shot at him. Molinari got the best of him at The Open -- he won while being paired with Tiger on Sunday at Carnoustie -- and then got him again at the Ryder Cup. I think Molinari has Tiger's number, but he also hasn't faced Tiger's best.
On the surface, this one would seem to be all about the hair products. I mean, look at these two guys. But once you get them out there and going, just listen to the trash talk. They can both bring it. So while it might seem like an ad for gel and hairspray, people will be happily surprised by the smack and the level of golf.
This match would be the only time two Americans faced each other, and the audience might actually need an interpreter. It's going to be "coefficient of restitution determining a bilateral or unilateral protractor based on the biomechanics in an environment of ..." We're going to need some Advil about 15 minutes into this one.
Bubba Watson vs. Jon Rahm
You don't need any sound to be entertained by this one. Five hours of these two, with just facial expressions and body language, would be enough. The good news, though, is when you turn on the sound, they'd be smack-talking themselves.
I want them to feel like they are by themselves because that's the only way to get them to truly go toe-to-toe. I want Stevie Williams back on Tiger's bag and Glen Murray on Sergio's. It would go back to what UFC originally was -- just a bare-knuckles brawl. Four guys out there, and let's see who comes out. My money would be on Williams walking out alone.
Neither of them hits a shot. No one notices. No one cares. They think it's a magazine cover shoot. And people are fine with that.