So here we are, wondering where all that 2013 money went.
Here are some resolutions for the horse player in 2014.
The problem with most resolutions is they’re next to impossible to keep. Lose weight. Clean out the garage. Exercise harder twice a day. Why not add fix the wiring yourself.
These are easier to keep longer.
Keep decent notes on your horse race wagers, and save losing tickets, so you won’t repeat the same mistakes, or come into conflict with the IRS.
Don’t drink too much alcohol and do anything related to a horse race track.
Don’t pick up tickets in the restroom to see if they’re any good.
Use an expert’s pick only if he or she has hit some.
Always make a small win bet on a long shot you like.
Don’t admit to watching “Nashville” on television.
Don’t bet into rotten moods.
Don’t fear underdogs.
Don’t write so many anonymous messages filled with anger, as almost anybody can hit the replay.
Don’t kick or push over a malfunctioning betting machine.
Take a date to the races at your own risk.
Don’t ignore oddball horse names that have a connection to your life.
Play big exactas only with somebody else’s money.
Never ignore speed.
Don’t eat the fish.
Don’t tip too early.
If you must bet football because it looks so easy with only two teams competing, place yourself in the role of the sports book by playing the least obvious teams.
Don’t forget that big changes from past performance behavior produces the biggest long shot payoffs.
Instead of playing slot machines, flush your money down the toilet.
Realize that talking too much indicates insecurity with your upcoming wager.
Don’t wear a ball cap backwards.
Don’t send a photograph of you and the spouse for Christmas or the holidays, unless it is sent to family, and even then, think twice.
Support bookstores because they’re disappearing like ball games in vacant lots.
Don’t watch TV shows where somebody can hit one computer button and solve a crime.
Use up every penny that comes with a gift card.
Don’t sent emails to more than one person at a time.
Don’t let everybody say “No problem” without saying that you didn’t ask if halfway decent service was a problem.
Watch some horse races without betting.
With a sporting event on TV, keep the Mute button handy.
Check out a live horse race for something different.
Don’t wager too early.
Play something from the first Kentucky Derby future’s book selections.
Don’t doze off on the Thunder in the NBA because the new guys are like roadrunners and can shoot some.
Be sure and watch “Shark Tank,” the best reality-type show on TV, the show that makes Mark Cuban seem like one of the guys.
Pay more attention to race track bias.
Don’t talk to drunks.
Don’t believe a nut.
Instead of buying a tip sheet, set your paper money on fire.
Avoid unlucky tellers.
Don’t try to coach a team that you own.
Don’t loan money.
Don’t bet on the way a photo finish will turn out.
If you’re goofy, go ahead and make a “value” bet at the horse races.
Don’t wait out back for a Steward.
Try some Jet Fuel or Bob Marley espresso coffee in your new K Cup machine, as most other offerings are far too mild.
Don’t ignore small horse race tracks for humor and profit.
Don’t lose all that you won.