|Tale of the Tape: Disneyland vs. Big Mall|
By Nick Bakay
Page 2 columnist
In the past eight months, playoff series have seen the Angels prevail over the Twins and the Lakers dispatch the T-Wolves. Couple past results with a 3-zip lead, and California's Mighty Ducks should survive the Minnesota Wild, eh? Not so fast. Especially when you consider the Wild have already battled back from a pair of 3-1 deficits. Two underdogs stunning hockey's elite is the stuff of stunning viewing, yet hockey's numbers are down in a big way. Which begs the question: What the hell are you watching, the NBA playoffs? Where games only reach critical mass during the 45 minutes it takes to run off the final 45 seconds? Where players get a foul for nudging someone?
Desperate times call for desperate measures, so it's come to this: In a feeble attempt to make the Western Finals more relatable to a soft populace, it's time to approach Anaheim and Bloomington from a different angle: Tourist attractions. THE MALL OF AMERICA, which draws 42 million visitors every year, versus the original family destination; DISNEYLAND. Let's see how they stack up at the tale of the tape…
So there you have it. It's all so simple when you break things down scientifically. In a squeaker, the advantage goes to Disneyland -- hey, this is a Disney-owned web site ... and hang in there you big, bodacious mall, I'm sure it's nothing another Disney store or two couldn't solve. Until next time, I'm Nick Bakay reminding you the numbers never lie. Now go watch some hockey.
Humorist Nick Bakay, currently a writer for the CBS sitcom "King of Queens," is a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and Page 2. He has a website at http://nickbakay.com.