|Mr. Personality meets Mr. Basketball|
By Gino Bona
Special to Page 2
One hot woman ... several masked men ... and Vince McMahon has nothing to do with it.
It's called "Mr. Personality," and Fox's new reality dating show is determined to lay the smack down on civilization as we know it.
And if that's not enough to actually make you beg for a rerun of "Dawson's Creek," the show is hosted by ... Monica Lewinsky! (Insert your favorite Monica joke here.)
Page 2 decided to put four NBA players to the "Mr. Personality" test. We asked Ron Artest, Rasheed Wallace, Derrick Coleman and Vin Baker to take the personality test located on Fox's web site to determine who deserves the title of "Mr. Personality in the NBA."
Fox is right ... things could get ugly, at least with this quartet of ballers.
So which one deserves the title of "Mr. Personality?" Check out their answers below and cast your vote in the poll at the right.
1. You're at a bar and you see a totally hot girl giving you eyes. You ...
Ron Artest: ... take a deep breath and ask if she'd like to go see "Anger Management" with me.
Rasheed Wallace: ... walk over to her and say, "You know, Peja Stojakovic might have the sweetest J in the NBA, but I roll the tightest J in the league."
Derrick Coleman: ... ask Larry Brown to go over and say a few nice things about me, because, well, he's the only one who says anything nice about me.
2. You're on the first date with a cute prospect. You ...
Ron Artest: ... tell her my name is Ron Arnett, and that I'm often mistaken for an NBA thug named Ron Artest.
Rasheed Wallace: ... try not to get ejected before midnight.
Derrick Coleman: ... refrain from peeing on the floor of the restaurant.
Vin Baker: ... tell her about the NBA and its guaranteed contracts -- regardless of physical condition or performance.
3. The night has ended and you've found yourself at the doorstep of your date. You ...
Ron Artest: ... invite myself in.
Rasheed Wallace: ... invite myself in.
Derrick Coleman: ... invite myself in.
Vin Baker: ... invite myself in ... for a drink.
4. It has been two, three days since your first date. You ...
Ron Artest: ... become paranoid that Jimmy Jackson stole my girl.
Rasheed Wallace: ... call her on the sixth day. I follow Trent's rule in "Swingers," baby.
Derrick Coleman: ... call her. Two days is industry standard.
Vin Baker: ... try not to panic and hope she didn't read The Boston Globe, Boston Herald, or any other publication that mentions my deteriorating athletic abilities on a daily basis.
5. You want to take it to the next level in the ... uh, bedroom department. You ...
Rasheed Wallace: ... pop in a Cypress Hill CD, wedge a towel underneath the door, and light things up.
Derrick Coleman: ... tell her, "I might be an underachiever on the floor, but I'm an overachiever in the sack."
Vin Baker: ... rattle off my numbers as a Buck and, of course, remind her that NBA contracts are guaranteed 100 percent.
6. When having dinner with her parents, you ...
Ron Artest: ... deny everything.
Rasheed Wallace: ... make sure I have a pack of Altoids and some Visine.
Derrick Coleman: ... tell them I taught Carmelo Anthony everything he knows.
Vin Baker: ... order a soup and salad. I don't want to give them the wrong idea.
7. While on a date, the waiter accidentally spills veal parmesan all over your date. You ...
Ron Artest: ... tackle him like he was Eric Snow ... smash his head in like A/V equipment at Madison Square Garden ... and flip a double-middle to the other patrons as if they're spectators at Gund Arena!
Rasheed Wallace: ... get pissed off, because I'm battling a serious case of the munchies.
Vin Baker: Depends if I ordered the veal parmesan or not. I'm cool as long as he didn't mess up my grub.
8. Why would someone consider you the perfect date?
Ron Artest: Because I can protect my lady.
Rasheed Wallace: Because -- technically speaking -- nobody comes close to 'Sheed.
Derrick Coleman: Because I've been the No. 1 pick before, and millions of people in New Jersey can't be wrong.
Vin Baker: Because nobody has made more money doing less than me. I'm living proof of the American Dream.
Gino Bona longs to write the perfect column on his "Wink & The Gun" site, which can be reached at www.winkandthegun.com