|Being ... Dr. Evil|
By Kevin Jackson
Page 2 editor
He's once again plotting to take over the world and get that frickin' Austin Powers. But what is really going on inside the diabolical mind of Dr. Evil? Page 2 spent "one milllllllion dollars" and used a special "laser" to look deep in his evil little brain:
"Trust me, people, you can be frozen and come back years later to take over the world. Just look at me and Mr. Bigglesworth."
"Shhh. Let me tell you about a man named Shhh. Even before you start to talk that's a preemptive shhh. Just know that I have a whole bag of shhh with your name on it."
"Could you just win one silly, inconsequential tournament? Throw me a frickin' bone here. I'm the boss."
"Rocket is quite impressive, but he's not quite evil enough. He's quasi-evil, he's the margarine of evil, he's the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie."
"George made outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Never lie on a resume. I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called 'Mister.' "
"There's nothing quite like a shorn Rodman. It's breathtaking."
"And I shall call him Mini-Me."