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The Naked Truth

Page 2

Unfortunately, I have no nude photos of Ichiro Suzuki. I do, however, know someone with some revealing shots of David Wells.

Ichiro Suzuki
Ichiro Suzuki feels he has plenty to hide when cameras invade the Mariners locker room.
In case you missed it, the buzz is that some Japanese publication will pay up to $2 million for a nude photo of the Mariners outfielder. Two million dollars for a nude photo of a right fielder? What's the catch, that he has to be standing next to an equally naked Anna Kournikova?

While the Mariners aren't sure whether there's any truth to the rumor, Ichiro takes it seriously enough that he often waits until he is the last player in the clubhouse before changing clothes or he dresses where no photos can be taken. Team president Chuck Armstrong jokingly offered to take the nude photo and split the take with Ichiro. Pitcher Paul Abbott told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, "If he's worth $2 million at 150 pounds, I wonder what it would be if he were 6-3 and 210."

And should there really be a publication that wants such photos, you can just imagine the foldout awaiting the lucky subscribers to Playball magazine ...

    Mr. April: Ichiro Suzuki
    Born: Oct. 22, 1973.
    Bats: Left. Throws: Right.
    Measurements: 33-32-38.
    Turn-ons: Long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, puppies and belt-high fastballs.
    Turn-offs: Mean people, world hunger and nasty sliders on the outside corner.

Paparazzi scheming to get pictures of you in your birthday suit is not something most rookies have to deal with, but it's just part of life for Ichiro, who gains his first exposure to New York on Tuesday night, when the Mariners open a three-game series with the Yankees.

Ted Heid, the Mariners' Pacific Rim scouting director says Ichiro is so popular in Japan that he once pulled into a rest stop to relieve himself in the bathroom and soon found himself surrounded by fans watching him answer nature's call. Or, at least, trying to answer nature's call.

Compared to that kind of pressure, I guess batting against Roger Clemens in front of 45,000 fans and two national TV audiences is a piece of cake.

I'm not sure what to make of this nude photo rumor, but if that kind of money really is on the line, baseball could solve its financial woes by simply being a little more open-minded when it comes to the sort of official merchandise it sells. Among the possibilities:

  • Derek Jeter's batting manual: "How to Hit .400 with Women in Scoring Position."

  • Morganna's chest protector.

    Don Zimmer
    Don Zimmer's 24-hour webcam would be a very hot item.
  • San Francisco Giants Alternate Black Leather Jersey Night.

  • Larry Flynt and Pete Rose present ... Charlie Hustler magazine.

  • The Viagra Old-Timers Exhibition Tour.

  • The Colorado Rockies 2000 season highlight video: The Mile-High Club.

  • Beneath the Upper Deck baseball cards.

  • Hooters presents, "Shirt-Off-Our-Backs Fan Appreciation Night."

  • Jose Canseco's 1-900 sex line.

  • Sexy Zim's 24-Hour Webcam: All Don Zimmer, all the time -- in the dugout, in the clubhouse, in the shower.

  • Game-used sheets from SkyDome's hotel.

  • Wrigley Field's Penthouse suites, the Really Friendly Confines.

    Jim Caple is a senior writer for

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