Decision 2000: Page 2 goes to polls
ESPN.comIt's Election Day, and the polls are open at Page 2.
Here's the next race on our ballot:
Position: Vice President
Job requirements: Take all the blame when things go bad. Never take any credit when things go right. Throw out the first ball at baseball games (except for the World Series).
Age: 35 Day job: Forward, Portland Trail Blazers
Pro: Perfectly trained to be a second banana.
Con: Has occasional delusions that he is a first banana.
Age: 34 Day job: Pitcher, Atlanta Braves
Pro: He paints corners, but he never cuts corners.
Con: He's a lefty, which could be a problem if Congress revives the House Unamerican Activities Committee.
Age: 22 Day job: Guard, Los Angeles Lakers
Pro: Speaks fluent Italian and named after the finest Japanese cut of steak, so he should be a popular host at European and Asian state dinners.
Con: Few politicians turn pro immediately out of high school -- which is a kind way of saying, "The kid didn't go to college."
Age: 30 Day job: Quarterback, St. Louis Rams
Pro: Knows exactly what to do when he's handed a well-stocked arsenal.
Con: Likes to throw the bomb, which should be the president's responsibility.
Age: 70 Day job: Bench coach, New York Yankees
Pro: Popeye's a much more dignified nickname than Bubba.
Con: Popeye's a much less dignified nickname than Honest Abe.