|Are you dumb enough to be a Raider?|
By Graham Hays
Page 2 staff
It takes a special kind of person to play for the "dumbest team in America." Not every NFL player is capable of jumping offsides on a big play or making a late hit on an opposing quarterback or falling asleep in a team meeting. Yes, playing for the silver and black lets you live the glamorous lifestyle of a professional athlete. But do you have what it takes to play for Raiders? Take our Raiders' IQ Test to find out:
1. How many yards does it take to make a first down?
Correct answer: E -- After factoring in the 20 yards you've already been penalized for holding and intentional grounding.
2. What is the Raiders' motto?
A) Pride and Poise
Correct answer: D -- Every classic needs a modern refurbishment.
3. What is correct spelling of the former backup (now injured) quarterback's name?
A) Evans (Vince)
Correct answer: E -- Hey, it's tough to read all those letters on his jersey when he was always on his back.
4. Which group did Al Davis help create?
A) League of Nations
Correct answer: E -- Partial credit for answering D, which he merely helped fund.
5. What video is most important in preparing for a Week 14 game against Pittsburgh?
A) Deep post to Plaxico Burress
Correct answer: E -- Nobody falls asleep in film study this week.
6. Who has the most yards this season?
A) Rich Gannon passing
Correct answer: C -- Maybe he'll send postcards from Hawaii.
7. What is the state capital of California?
A) Los Angeles
Correct answer: A -- At least it will be once Al Davis is done with his next lawsuit.
8. What is the state bird of California?
A) California Valley Quail
Correct answer: D -- It's well-known for seeking out visitors to Oakland.
9. Who was recently recalled as governor of California?
A) Al Davis
Correct answer: D -- Team captains investigating whether the same procedure can be used on coaching staffs.
10. Which provides prisoners the toughest escape?
Correct answer: E -- Like visiting Mexico, visitors are advised to bring their own water.
11. Which of the following is not extinct?
A) Dodo Bird
Correct answer: E -- Easy one, as the other four are long past saving.
12. What is the correct spelling of the drug commonly referred to as THG?
Correct answer: B -- Kind of like naming a star after the astronomer who discovers it.
13. What is the penalty for bribing a police officer in the state of Florida?
A) Five years in prison and $5,000 fine
Correct answer: E Everyone knows football players never do jail time.
14. You feel as if your boss' poor decisions are negating your efforts at work. How should you deal with your concerns?
A) Broach the subject with your immediate supervisor
Correct answer: E -- Callahan isn't much of a coffee drinker.
15. What issue most concerns you in the upcoming presidential election?
Correct answer: C -- It's the issue that hits closest to home for most of these guys.
0-5: Sorry, you clearly don't have a commitment to ignorance.
Graham Hays writes "Out of the Box" five days a week in-between moonlighting for Page 2. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.