Trade deadline special
By Tim Keown
Page 2 columnist

And so, when history is recorded, this will be remembered as the week big-league GMs took everything out of southern Ohio except Maurice Clarett's CDs.

This Week's List

Sidney Ponson
Is Sidney Ponson just another Russ Ortiz? Either way, the Giants gave up a good amount for him.

  • One way to look at the Giants trade for Sidney Ponson: They traded Damian Moss, Kurt Ainsworth and a prospect to re-acquire Russ Ortiz.

  • Since being the Reds' director of marketing doesn't look that appealing right now, we'd like to help out with three potential new advertising slogans:
    1.) "Going to the Ballpark? Neither are We."
    2.) "Reds Baseball, Where the Bags are Always Packed."
    3.) "Hey, Who Says the Brewers Should Have all the Fun?"

  • Carl Lindner, they said it couldn't be done: From a baseball standpoint, Marge Schott is starting to look good.

  • And yes, it means what it says: Only from a baseball standpoint.

  • This year's David Eckstein: Bo Hart.

  • Just for the heck of it: Randy Kutcher.

  • It all sounds so sweet, until you add in the minor detail of $60 million: Gilbert Arenas says it would have taken nothing more than a handshake and a promise from Chris "The Invisible Wallet" Cohan to keep him with the Warriors.

  • You know someone in programming said, "That settles it - it's time to televise BP": Barry Bonds, in the most replayed moment of the week, broke a window across the street from Wrigley during batting practice.

    The Utah basketball program and Rick Majerus recently received a three year probabtion by the NCAA.

  • Rick Majerus, for his part, earned sanctions with a couple of stray hot dogs and a trip to the movies: Rick Neuheisel, Mike Price and Larry Eustachy must be wondering what's going to happen to Dave Bliss at Baylor after one of his players allegedly confessed to killing a teammate.

  • Wait'll they find out what's been happening in the laundry room: San Diego State AD Rick Bay was driven out of his job when it was revealed that guys working in the football equipment room were going to topless bars and engaging in underage drinking.

  • Hey, Dontrelle Willis: Meet Rich Harden.

  • Before you buy "The Myth of the New Ballpark," talk to some fans in these cities: Pittsburgh, Detroit, Cincinnati and Milwaukee.

  • Damned neighbors: The Tigers tried to have a fire sale this week, but everybody kept driving by on their way to Cincinnati.

  • At the very least, he can tell his teammates stories while they fall further behind the Giants: The Dodger brass says it likes Robin Ventura's experience in pennant races and the postseason.

  • One blatant omission from Sports Illustrated's list of 50 greatest sports movies: "The Fish That Ate Pittsburgh."

  • If you say it real fast, "Dallas Morning News" sounds a lot like "I'm a Christian and I'm praying for you": The lawyer for Carlton Dotson says the intern who got a jailhouse interview with Dotson identified herself as a "Christian" rather than a reporter.

  • Of course, he should have known that one difference between Christians and reporters is that Christians always take notes: The intern, Shani George, admitted she didn't take any notes during her conversation with Dotson.

    Babe Ruth and Jesse Orosco
    Jesse Orosco should thank his left arm for aiding him to pitch forever.

  • Listen up, kids, to the keys of life -- mind your parents, eat your vegetables and always remember to throw left-handed: Still active -- Jesse Orosco, Terry Mulholland, Graeme Lloyd.

  • At least he didn't claim to have been in class when thousands of dollars worth of stereo equipment and CDs were stolen from the car he was driving: Maurice Clarett admitted he exaggerated the worth of the stolen items when he spoke to police.

  • Two questions in the wake of the NFL's fine of Matt Millen for ethnicity-related offenses:
    1.) If you're all set to hire Steve Mariucci, why insult a token minority candidate by bringing him in for an interview?
    2.) If you're a token minority candidate, why subject yourself to the insult of interviewing for a job you can't have?

  • The best little story in baseball: Rod Beck, 14 of 14 in save chances.

  • Somebody's got to say it: A lot of us were wrong when we criticized the Marlins for hiring Jack McKeon.

  • And finally, something to remember when A-Rod says he'll never be able to accept losing: The man accepted losing the minute he signed with the Rangers.

    Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at



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