Metrosexual resolution: Matt Millen
By Ted Kluck
Special to Page 2

You know it's late December when the Dolphins have folded, Ron Artest is serving his first suspension, and new year's resolutions are finalized.

The following sports icons had rough years in 2003 when it comes to culture and sensitivity; and they all had to share the spotlight with "metrosexuality" the cultural bandwagon on which Page 2 willingly jumped.

In honor of metrosexuality's place in 2003, we've compiled these handy case studies, complete with before and after photos, to help our sports heroes self-actualize and become sensitive Renaissance men in 2004.

Matt Millen
Case #1: Matt Millen

Transgressions: Uttering the f-word (the other one) and forgetting to interview the requisite number of minority candidates before hiring head coach Steve Mariucci.

Suggested Reading for 2004: All of Stacey Pressman's columns, twice. NFL Draft Preview publications (just to be on the safe side come April.)

Suggested Viewing: Birdcage. How Stella Got Her Groove Back. Beaches.

Advice: Get in touch with your inner devout coward. Cry a little. Matty, get your groove back.



Ted Kluck Archive

Metrosexual resolution: Jeremy Shockey

Metrosexual resolution: Joe Namath

Metrosexual resolution: Mike Price

Metrosexual resolution: Hootie Johnson

Metrosexual resolution: Lawrence Taylor

Quiz: Are you a metrosexual?

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