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From the Page 2 mailbag
We called up O.J. Simpson for last week's Mystery Photo, and he called in some legal assistance to help us out.
"What are yooouuuuu doing? What are yooouuuuu doing? What are yooooooouuuuuu
"I got this little phone to make my hands look bigger. It's all about the gloves, man!
Seen here is O.J. trying to keep the real killer on the line, while the
detectives in the background listen in as they trace the call.
"So, if I act now, I get the free steak knife set when I buy the fabulous new Ginsu?"
"Come on, baby ... you know I stopped wearing gloves after that incident that
we don't talk about ... get me something else for Christmas."
"A.C. It's O.J. Warm up the Bronco."
O.J. Simpson and his new "Dream Team" of lawyers all take turns calling Mark
Fuhrman to ask if his refrigerator is running.
"Hello, God, it's me, Orenthal. I know I said I wouldn't do it again, but
this time I really mean it.
"Hey, guys, does the back of me look as guilty as the front of me?"
"Lieutenant Nordberg here."
"Guilty? Are you sure? Maybe you didn't shuffle enough, Miss Cleo."
"Johnnie? It's O.J. ... You are never gonna guess where I am."
O.J. Simpson and his agents work on a deal for attorneys on their Fantasy
Courtroom League draft day.
"Hi, Satan. I thought I told you never to call me here."
".... Yeah, Pete, put down 500 for me on Cincinnati ..."
O.J. Simpson in court on charges that he threatened his girlfriend and his
newest "Dream Team" discuss their strategy: "If her number ain't on
speed-dial, this must be a mis-trial."
The "Help O.J. Make Bail" telethon is in high gear.
"Juice here... What's that? You found Nicole's killer on the 9th Green at
Augusta. I'll be right there!"
Ad for Sprint Wireless (OJ Voiceover):
"Hi, I am O.J. Simpson. When you find yourself a defendant in multiple pieces of litigation, you are going to be on a mobile phone a lot. So are your attorneys. That's why I recommend Sprint Wireless. Good service, free roaming, and it keeps the attorney's fees down. The jury is in: Sprint wins."
"Hi, Johnny, it's me again. Listen, I was wondering if you got that copy of the Anna Kournikova workout tape for me yet ..."
"Can you believe they banned the use of cell phones while driving? I mean,
how's a guy supposed to talk to the media during a chase? I'm gonna talk to
Ito about this one."
The FBI has become far less covert about monitoring O.J.'s calls.
"Why are you calling me when we're in the same room... wait a minute, the
call waiting just beeped."
"Hey, genius, I'm right behind you."
"Simon says put phone on right ear. I said, 'Right ear.' You're out, OJ."
Just when you thought O.J. couldn't get any more annoying, he goes and buys a
a cell phone!
"Johnny, you gotta come up with something good that rhymes with Road Rage."
And here is the real caption from The Associated Press: O.J. Simpson, center, his attorneys Yale Galanter, left, and Craig Brand, right, talk on cell phones during a break in Miami circuit court Oct. 10 in Miami, during the second day of jury selection for Simpson's trial. Simpson faces two to 16 years in state prison if convicted of auto burglary and battery charges based on an angry road encounter Dec. 4. He is accused of reaching into another motorist's window and scratching him while tearing off his eyeglasses. (AP Photo/WilfredoLee)
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