The next Anna?
By Dan Shanoff
Page 2 columnist

According to a report in the New York Daily News this week, Giants rookie tight end Jeremy Shockey's marketing team would like him to become the NFL's version of Anna Kournikova.

Shockey clearly lacks some of Anna's more prominent ... uh ... assets, but Page 2 is in the process of analyzing his potential in comparison to the incomparably commercial Anna K:

Kournikova vs. Shockey


Jeremy Shockey

Anna Kournikova
Hair color Blond Blonde
Ranking 24th (NFC receiving yards) 35th (WTA)
Internet-search results 13,800 270,000-plus
Boyfriend "Hell, no" Enrique Iglesias
Talks smack about ... Eagles secondary Elizabeth Hurley
Sight you'll never see in New York Cheering at gay-pride parade Winning U.S. Open
Sergei Fedorov Guy whose butt he could probably kick Ex-boyfriend
Toast of ... Memorabilia conventions E-mail attachments
Nickname "Anna" (according to Giants coach Jim Fassel) Murzik ("little pet" in Russian)
Cover two Defense that makes him most dangerous Strategy for dealing with Bure, Fedorov
Secondary Area where he does his best work Her tennis career
Tight end His day job Her claim to fame
Punishment Lower the shoulder and keep running ... Don't you wish?
Rocker NFL's version of baseball's John Now dating one after exhausting the NHL
Brain Vestigial organ Causes men's to turn to mush
Lips For flapping on sports radio For making steamy music videos
Love Tough Score she's very familiar with
Penthouse Still hoping to get his letter published "That's NOT me!"
Key endorsements Casio watches, Nike Omega watches, Yonex rackets, Berlei bras, Lycos internet provider, Pegasus cell phones.
Titles One in college Not as a single
Scouting report "Good hands" "Good lord"
Likely second career as ... South Beach bar bouncer "Sopranos" bit character (two-legged mistress for Tony)

Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. He most recently expressed his admiration for Anna in a musical tribute to her to the tune of "Copacabana."



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McKendry: In defense of Anna

Shanoff: 'Unforced Error,' the musical

Page 2: Top 10 reasons Anna blew her top

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Caple: The Anna tape revealed!

Caple: Anna's wicked web

What should Kournikova's character be named?

Handwriting analysis: Anna Kournikova

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