According to a report in the New York Daily News this week, Giants rookie tight end Jeremy Shockey's marketing team would like him to become the NFL's version of Anna Kournikova.
Shockey clearly lacks some of Anna's more prominent ... uh ... assets, but Page 2 is in the process of analyzing his potential in comparison to the incomparably commercial Anna K:
Kournikova vs. Shockey
||24th (NFC receiving yards)
|Talks smack about ...
|Sight you'll never see in New York
||Cheering at gay-pride parade
||Winning U.S. Open
||Guy whose butt he could probably kick
|Toast of ...
||"Anna" (according to Giants coach Jim Fassel)
||Murzik ("little pet" in Russian)
||Defense that makes him most dangerous
||Strategy for dealing with Bure, Fedorov
||Area where he does his best work
||Her tennis career
||His day job
||Her claim to fame
||Lower the shoulder and keep running
||... Don't you wish?
||NFL's version of baseball's John
||Now dating one after exhausting the NHL
||Causes men's to turn to mush
||For flapping on sports radio
||For making steamy music videos
||Score she's very familiar with
||Still hoping to get his letter published
||"That's NOT me!"
||Casio watches, Nike
||Omega watches, Yonex rackets, Berlei bras, Lycos internet provider, Pegasus cell phones.
||One in college
||Not as a single
|Likely second career as ...
||South Beach bar bouncer
||"Sopranos" bit character (two-legged mistress for Tony)