Please take a note miscellaneously.
Note to tellers: Count out big wins on the last race of the day or night in a quiet and discreet fashion. Sometimes the IRS window attracts thugs who come to the races to see about picking off late winners.
Note to Michelle Wie: What's the rush? Men aren't going anywhere.
Note to sports bettors as the fall sucker season approaches: Trust the numbers. Bookies have that platinum rule in needlepoint over the dining room table in their second vacation homes. The obvious plays take your money. What's an obvious play? The first thing a dope likes a lot. It's why everybody should keep a few saps around.
Note to horse race track management: If you are serious about wishing to do what you can to help the sport, use some of the slot machine profits on those the game left behind, the horse players, by lowering the considerable takeout skimmed from each wager.
Note to horse players: Limit the takeout bite by focusing on the doubles and pick three, four and six propositions, where you are taxed but once.
Note to gamblers who bet historical trends: Are you completely out of your minds? Are you that bad at thinking for yourselves?
Note to problem gamblers: doubt a single reader skipped ahead to the next item. Most people probably think a problem gambler is one who can't quit after a win. One more play can for a fact turn a thoughtful success into a junkie's lament.
Quitting after a horse race win is difficult because you think you're smart, which sounds slightly different from an adrenalin rush you get from landing on double zero at the right time. Actually, a competent horse player doesn't have to quit after a win so much as he or she needs to refrain from betting on something that would have gone unnoticed without the newfound cash. If I win $100 and still like something four races on down the way, I'll quit complaining, that's all.
Another note to sports bettors: Here is the lock of whatever comes after the Lock of the Millennium, Texas over Oklahoma in a game of college football that figures to be sent from Vegas as an even match-up in October.
Note to Sportscenter anchors: We watch because we love the games and because we want the scores, not because of the next person up at the mike.
Note to dog track enthusiasts: Welcome to the horse races. Sorry about your game fading from the contemporary wagering scene. Nice to see you. But you're simply going to have to move a little faster!
Speaking of dogs, note to owners of dogs with wrecked hips: I had a nine-year-old male black and white English springer spaniel named Kirby who had hip dysplasia on the right side. One morning he could not get up. His communicative brown eyes said: Well, that seems to be that, thanks for everything. I picked up Kirby and put him in the back seat of my car and drove him to the hospital at the veterinary school at the University of Missouri in Columbia where later in the week they did a complete hip replacement exactly the way it's done with people, metal ball goes into a cleaned-out socket and is pinned into the leg bone, no simple chore, that, particularly in a medium-size dog. This procedure was not inexpensive, but it was a post-divorce dog, which made him family, and credit cards were accepted. When I went to get my dog two days after the hip replacement and assisted him to the car by walking slowly with a towel under his stomach to support his weight, he looked at me and said through his eyes: If you think I've been loyal before, you just wait and see what transpires from here on out, pal. Lived to be 15, Kirby did, spent a lot of the bonus six years reading my mind.
Note to Racing Form: an expanded trip description would be much appreciated, one handicapper's very wide being another's sort of wide.
Note to Spielberg: You owe me $50, man.