France, soccer and Jonathan Seagull

June, 30, 2011

There is an art to the postgame international press conference; most of the time answers are simple and sincere. Sometimes they are cautious and tactful, often they are bland and guarded (unless you're the coach of North Korea and invoke the lightning rule). France coach Bruno Bini should have a drink named after him. Either all his answers were lost in translation or he is simply embodying every stereotype of a Frenchman, employing magical realism in press conference answers.

Herewith, his responses to fairly standard questions after a stunning 4-0 win over Canada:

Was this your most impressive game?

"Well, it is a victory; at 11:30 tonight I will tell you how important this victory was. This is not my way of thinking; we are not yet qualified, and if we are not yet qualified we shouldn't talk about it. We have seen weirder things happen. If a quarter past 11 tonight we have really qualified, the race is on. Everyone knows that Germany is the favorite, so we are going for second place."

Coming off an effortless win, how will you face the game against Germany?

"Effortlessly? Didn't you see the effort we put in? Obviously you've never played football."

How do you think you'll match up against Germany?

"It's unbelievable, incredible, we just played against Canada and everyone keeps talking about Germany. We will have 11 players on each side, that for sure."

What is your style of coaching?

"Well, of course, I'm the head [coach]. I try to keep things together; you've seen and heard in the media that sometimes I'm compared to a bird, a seagull. Jonathan Seagull is my idol and I'd like to follow that."

Jaime Lowe played AYSO soccer for eleven years and never scored a goal. She still loves the sport. She has written for ESPN the Magazine and is the author of Digging for Dirt: The Life and Death of ODB (Faber & Faber) and a contributor to Fathers & Daughters & Sports (Random House).



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