Chat with Page 2's DJ Gallo
Gallo takes a look at everything that happened in the NFL's Week 2 in his NFL Hangover, Week 2.
Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the award-winning sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion. His first book -- "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck" -- is in stores now.
Send in your questions now and join DJ for all the answers on Monday at 2 p.m. ET.
DJ Gallo (2:01 PM)
Hello, good people of SportsNation. I've just finished three sets of 500x500 bicep curls with Ed Hochuli, so let's begin ...
Zach J. (Coral Gables, FL)
Dear almighty Gallo, I have two requests: 1. Is there any chance you could guide my beloved Miami Hurricanes to the top of the painfully middling ACC? 2. As a Minnesota Vikings fan, is there any chance you could make any of our quarterbacks seem at all competent? In the name of the father, and of the son, and of the Ocho Cinco, Amen.
DJ Gallo (2:03 PM)
Well, in all honesty, the most recent quarterbacking I have done is for a bad team in a mediocre flag football league. So ... yes.
Ben (Madison, WI)
Do you think the Cubs and Astros should have flown to the moon to make it the ultimate neutral site game?
DJ Gallo (2:04 PM)
I disagree. The moon is a dark, cold and lonely place. I am sure there are some Cubs fans there. The environment is ideal.
Thoughts on Merrill Lynch, AIG, and Lehman brothers? I am screwed in my fantasy financial institions league. I knew I should have never drafted Bear Sterns.
DJ Gallo (2:06 PM)
Yeah, you're in trouble. And you're out of luck. Should have taken all Chinese institutions in the early rounds like I did.
John (Albuquerque, NM)
I was wondering what you thought of T.O.'s comments about Donovan McNabb this past week?
DJ Gallo (2:08 PM)
I have always been on the side of Terrell Owens in the ongoing T.O.-McNabb wars that have divided this great nation. Owens may talk too much and be annoying, but there often seems to be truth in what he says. In that way, he is like the NFL's Jose Canseco. But, thankfully, he does not wear fishnet t-shirts.
Josh (New York)
Do you think the Buffalo Bills have a chance at winning the AFC East?
DJ Gallo (2:10 PM)
What? Are you INSANE?! Do you not know that the division is now owned by Brett Favre and the Jets?! They beat the Dolphins! Wait ... sorry ... old logic. Let me try this: What?! Are you INSANE?! Do you not know that the division is now owned by Matt Cassel and the Patriots?! They beat the mighty Jets, who beat the Dolphins!!!!!
Philly Fans (Philadelphia)
We are so pumped for tonight! We have DeSean Jackson, who is the second coming of Jerry Rice! We have Donovan McNabb, who looks like the second coming of Donovan McNabb! Oh crap...
DJ Gallo (2:11 PM)
Stop hyping DeSean Jackson, Philly fans. Donovan McNabb and his mom do not care or it.
Chris (St. Louis, MO)
I feel like you are the only person who can adequately answer this question...Which is less cool: wearing a turtleneck or zipping your track jacket all the way up to mid neck?
DJ Gallo (2:14 PM)
Oh, real funny. Real funny. You just wait. With all of this time on his hands, Tom Brady is getting ready to release a line of ultra-cool zip-up turtletracknecks. It will be the MUST HAVE item of the winter.
If I said it was an incomplete pass, then IT WAS A GOSH DARN INCOMPLETE PASS! YOU GOT IT! Now if you will excuse me, I was just on my way to the weight room.
DJ Gallo (2:15 PM)
Ed, no worries. We understand. The air is thin there in Denver. It's hard to think sometimes. Especially when 98-percent of the blood in your body is coursing through your pythons.
M. Holmgren (Seattle, WA)
Wanna play wide receiver?
DJ Gallo (2:17 PM)
Seahawks fans are frauds with all of their 12th Man crap. They'll cheer, sure. But when the opportunity comes to suit up, play wide receiver and take some hits -- and God knows 70-80 percent of their fans could start for the Seahawks at wide receiver right now -- they're nowhere to be found.
DJ - What did you think of Phelps' SNL performance, i thought it was okay but not great. Does he have staying power or is time for him to disappear into Baltimore nightlife, only to be mistaken for Joe Flacco ten times a day until the Summer of 2012?
DJ Gallo (2:20 PM)
Pretty bad. They did the coach/locker room sketch again with the awkward dancing. Peyton Manning knocked that out of the park. Phelps did not. I did like his impression of a frat boy, though. That was pretty good. (It wasn't on SNL. It was in Cleveland last night when he was wearing a sideways hat and drinking a can of Corona. Hi-larious. Well done, Phelps. Well done.)
Matt Millen, Detroit, MI
I can't wait to offer Matt Cassel a huge contract at the end of this year.
DJ Gallo (2:21 PM)
I would like to see an open competition in camp between Cassel and Scott Mitchell.
Your thoughts on the big CFL blockbuster trade that sent Michael Bishop to the Saskatchewan Roughriders? Which is a tough break for the Ottawa Roughriders who need a QB as well.
DJ Gallo (2:22 PM)
I can't take the CFL seriously until there is a three-way Roughriders-Roughriders-Roughriders trade.
Scott (Union, NJ)
Sunday Night Football at Lambeau Field next week. What's the over/under on how many times John Madden mentions Brett Favre? And what will will it take for Aaron Rodgers to replace Brett as Madden's biggest man crush?
DJ Gallo (2:23 PM)
How about over-under on how long it takes Madden to realize that Favre is no longer on the Packers: +/- 60 minutes of game action.
Jimbo (Philadelphia, PA)
Who has the less impressive resume as a backup: Matt Cassel or Sarah Palin?
DJ Gallo (2:25 PM)
There are no politics in SportsNation, Jimbo. IT IS A DICTATORSHIP. Now go wait in line for bread and perhaps I will allow you to ask another question later!
SHONEY -- MAINE
DON'T AVOID THE COOLEY QUESTION
What's the best punchline for "The page from the Redskins playbook Chris Cooley was attempting to post was ___"
DJ Gallo (2:26 PM)
Skinny post? Button hook? I uh ... have no idea what you are talking about, of course.
Who should be the first coach fired
DJ Gallo (2:28 PM)
I'm not one to really call for the firing of coaches. They do their best. I will say, however, that Ralph Friedgen crushed the hot seat this weekend. Just flattened the legs like twigs.
L. Johnson (Kansas City, MO)
Hey D.J., can you spare a an offense?
DJ Gallo (2:29 PM)
Just keep complaining AND keep averaging less than 3.0 yards a carry. Your trade value is just skyrocketing.
Chris (St. Louis)
If you were beaned by a blistering 40-MPH from an 11-year old, how long would you cry? Secondly, would it be one of those cries where you make embaressing breathing sounds, or would you cry silently as you walk to first base?
DJ Gallo (2:31 PM)
I wrote about this on the Page 2 index page a week or so ago ... I'm sorry, but a 40 mph fastball is not fast. Do you hear that 8-year-old boy?! You are nothing! You stink! (By the way, this is my trademark trash talk line when I play hoops at the playground. The elementary school playground.)
CAL (St. Paul, MN)
D.J., what is the most dangerous job in sports right now? I say WR for the Seahawks.
DJ Gallo (2:33 PM)
I'd say QB for the Seahawks. Playing with those shmoes, Matt Hasselbeck's QB rating will soon look like Tim Hasselbeck's QB rating.
josh (just got power,TX)
Do you think the astros got robbed for having to play a away game at "home"
DJ Gallo (2:34 PM)
Yes. Bud Selig should have turned that hurricane away from Texas. What gives, Selig?
DJ, how is soccer not more popular in America? In the Congo, 13 people were tragically killed due to a "witchcraft" hunt....tell me that isn't a better headline than anything the NFL has going....
DJ Gallo (2:35 PM)
I saw that. Some guy tried to use witchcraft to win a soccer game and everyone freaked out and started a stampede. Thankfully, the guy was airlifted out of there by Robert Kraft's helicopter and immediately hired as part of Bill Belichick's staff.
Bud Selig can't control the weather, only I can.
DJ Gallo (2:35 PM)
That was just one rogue hurricane.
I can't take the Browns anymore. Next time the Browns are scheduled to play the Steelers, can the Browns just forfeit and instead have some other entertainment? I am thinking a Steely McBeam Vs Brady Quinn death match. Who do you have?
DJ Gallo (2:36 PM)
Hurl -- Sorry, but I didn't make it through your post. Romeo Crennel used all of his timeouts and time expired before I could get to the end.
Chase (South Carolina)
Gallo - I need your help deciding on my first tattoo....i'm stuck somewhere between barbed wire arm-band and animated cartoon character. Should i go a different route and try to bring back the chinese character craze? Thanks.
DJ Gallo (2:38 PM)
How about a Chinese cartoon character getting stuck in barbed wire? I think they have that one already actually: Peng the Political Prisoner.
At least he didn't use the time outs back to back DJ.
If only Minnesota Vikings had a passing game...Super Bowl!!!!!
DJ Gallo (2:41 PM)
They should have illegally called Brett Favre in the offseason to get him to play there. I bet they are regretting now that they "didn't" do that.
Did you think that Al Michaels is getting tired of listening to players not say colleges during their NBC introductions?
DJ Gallo (2:42 PM)
Not as tired as he probably is of listening to John Madden not say words.
Chris (Phoenix, AZ)
Why are there so many sports related questions on a Gallo Chat?! This is weird. Anyway, what are you thoughts on the hole in Fast Willie Parker's groin at the end of last nights game? Are you as sad as I am that it wasn't that had it happen to him when he was on the steelers?
DJ Gallo (2:44 PM)
It was odd timing, because just moments before someone had e-mailed me the link to Chris Cooley's blog post about his "skinny post." And then Santonio Holmes ran across the screen and well ... no more hot dogs for me during football games for a while.
Tim, Kalamazoo, MI
Do you think we could get John Madden and Andy Rooney to do a game together?
DJ Gallo (2:45 PM)
That would be awesome. I have actually taken to reading Andy Rooney's columns of late. They are basically him going on and on about the things he doesn't know about, understand or care to understand. I imagine it's a lot like listening to Scott Linehan's pregame speech.
Hey Guys! I too have the power to alter the weather.
DJ Gallo (2:46 PM)
Not really. You just put the weather on an obscure channel where it's hard for people to know what's going on. Not really the same thing, Gary.
CAL (St. Paul, MN)
How about Floyd Mayweather Sr. doing the sideline reporting for the Rooney/Madden announcing team?
Mark (East Brunswick NJ)
Add Susan Waldman to the mix (Oh my God, Roger Clemens is in the booth!) of Rooney and Madden and you could have the most incohenrent game broadcast in the history of sports.
DJ Gallo (2:48 PM)
I don't know if they are hiring, but I have forwarded both of your posts to ESPN corporate. These are the kinds of broadcasts I would like to watch.
Storms must speak English to cancel one of my tournaments.
DJ Gallo (2:49 PM)
So Ike would cancel a tournament, but Gustav would not, correct?
Ben (Indianapolis, IN)
Can the Blue Jackets actually make the playoffs this year? Also...have you gotten NHL 09 yet?
DJ Gallo (2:50 PM)
Probably not. And no. But I definitely wil be. NHL 08 was perhaps the greatest sports game ever. At least of the new breed of sports games -- you know, how they are high in realism, but not so much on ... what's the word ... oh, "fun."
SteveFitz (Cicero, IL)
You could have Ozzie Osbourne give injury analysis during the games too.
You alma mater lost 45-14 this past weekend and also gave up 348 rushing yards to a Navy RB in week 1. What gives?
DJ Gallo (2:52 PM)
I don't know what you are talking about. Did you submit this question last year and did I attend Notre Dame without knowing it?
Ron Lewis San Diego CA
To play that game in Milwaukee WI after Hurricane Ike ripped through TX was extremely unfair. That is like moving a road game that was scheduled in Texas for USC to San Diego. Hell you guys even refer to Milwaukee as Chicago north. Bud I know you want the Cubs to be in the world series but come on. Next time look at a map before reschedule a road game due to nature. Obviously you never took geography.
DJ Gallo (2:54 PM)
"You guys"??? "I" want the Cubs to be in the World Series??? I never took geography??? Okay, you got me on the last one, but the first two are way out of bounds. Now please stop accusatory questions and swim back to your island of San Diego off the coast of Neptune.
Direct headline from ESPN right now: Smith joins unbeaten Panthers after suspension. Is that an invite?
DJ Gallo (2:54 PM)
Awesome. That copy editor deserves a raise.
Steve (Baltimore, MD)
NHL 09 is awesome. The new Be a Pro mode is like the franchise player mode in Madden, only better.
DJ Gallo (2:55 PM)
I have heard it's awesome, but I disagree re: Madden. This year's Madden Be A Pro mode allows you to play wide receiver for the Seahawks. That's a pretty cool add on.
How many lost their fantasy games over the weekend because Hochuli forgot what a fumble was?
DJ Gallo (2:56 PM)
I always incorporate Ed Hochuli in my fantasy games. WHAT?
Uh, after Katrina the Saints had to play a home game against the Giants in New York.
DJ Gallo (2:57 PM)
So it's DAVE's fault! Thanks a lot, Dave! Learn some geography while you're conspiring to help the Cubs!
SteveFitz (Cicero, IL)
You could even be a Chicago Bears QB in Madden.
DJ Gallo (2:58 PM)
I tested out of that when I started the game. It goes Rookie-BearsQB-Pro-AllPro-AllMadden.
When is the appropriate time to make fun of Michael Phelps. The guy is a complete goober.
DJ Gallo (3:01 PM)
Tough call. There is a narrow window of opportunity. And I'd say that window is now. If you wait a week or two and bust out some good Michael Phelps jokes he will have swum back into obscurity and people will just look at you with blank expressions: "Michael who?" "Phelps! Michael Phelps. You know, the swimmer." "I have no idea what you are talking about."
been a buckeye all my life just want to know why we are still ranked ecu beat 2 really goog team and we roll over and die 2 weeks in a row.
DJ Gallo (3:03 PM)
Don't be upset, Chad. With Ohio State's remaining schedule, there is a great chance you'll get to see them roll over and die again in the BCS title game.
Mars (Detroit, MI)
I've figured out a way for the Lions to win. All you have to do is convince Kitna to throw the game. Then it will be picked off and taken back the other way for a win.
Will Jessica be a no-show tonight? Please God, let her show up.
DJ Gallo (3:04 PM)
She will show, but will wear a disguise. (Ashlee's old face.)
DJ Gallo (3:06 PM)
Well, good people of SportsNation. It is time I leave your land stuck here south of Canada, north of Scotland, west of Hawaii and east of the Ganges. (Get it? The geography thing? No? Still not funny? All the more reason I should go.)