Chat with Page 2's DJ Gallo
Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the award-winning sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion. His first book -- "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck" -- is in stores now.
Send your questions now and join DJ to chat on Tuesday at 4 p.m. ET!
DJ Gallo (4:01 PM)
Hello, SportsNation. It's good to be back on friendly soil. Perhaps you followed my trip overseas. I thought my chat with TurkeyNation went especially well. Let's begin ...
CC Sabathia is not clutch in the playoffs. It's not surprising that he nlew it yesterday.
DJ Gallo (4:02 PM)
Whoops. I think you meant to send this question into a New York sports talk radio station. Yesterday was one game of 162. But don't feel bad. We all make mistakes.
The Pirates have 2 LaRoches. I thought one LaRoche was too many.
DJ Gallo (4:03 PM)
As I noted on Page 2 today. Adam and Andy LaRoche are the new Cal and Bill Ripken. Only they are both Bill Ripken.
I want to win my ex-boyfriend back. He is a die-hard Phillies fan. What can I do?
DJ Gallo (4:04 PM)
You could dress up like Cole Hamels. He's pretty.
Who is the scrappiest player in baseball now? Is it still Eckstein?
mike s. provo ut
who is the baseball equivalent to scrapplebees
DJ Gallo (4:06 PM)
Well, okay. I'll do it. I'm not against self-promotion, so I'm happy to talk about by sports bar franchise: Scrapplebee's. You all should have been there last night. The special was Hansbrough Haddock. It was pan-seared in blood, sweat and tears, then hustled out to your table with the eyes still on it. Forever staring at you. Unblinking.
Mike (Waukegan, IL)
Hey, did you know that Magic Johnson went to Michigan State? Thank God CBS kept reminding us.
DJ Gallo (4:08 PM)
I see your point. But I prefer Magic Johnson shots to the alternative: more shot of Larry Bird. That man has not aged wel ... I was going to say he hasn't aged well. But I suppose he has aged about as well as you would expect Larry Bird to age. Dear God. Frightening.
In a chat earlier in the year, you told me you didn't think the Blue Jackets could make their first playoff appearance this year...care to change your opinion?
DJ Gallo (4:10 PM)
No. I don't change my opinions. The Blue Jackets changed. If they're able to look at themselves in the mirror, well ... then they'll have to live with that.
C.C. Sabathia (New York, New York)
It's funny. I don't remember it happening, but I keep seeing "Manitee C.C. defeats Pittsburgh Pirates".Is it possible I pitched and didn't know it?
Horatio (Monterrey, MX)
Who's your favorite Mexican MLB player?
DJ Gallo (4:12 PM)
It's a tie. Oliver Perez and Esteban Loaiza. Loaiza went a magical 11-11 for the '97 Pirates, leading them to a wonderful 79-83 record. And Perez went 12-10 with the '04 Pirates, which went 72-89. Those are two of the greatest Pirates seasons of my life, and I will forever be thankful to them.
Pirate Parrot (Pittsburgh, PA)
Have you seen my baby?
T.J. Olszewski (Matawan, N.J.)
Why do your chats start so late? Is your "job" so taxing that you can't get up at a normal time of day?
DJ Gallo (4:13 PM)
I am sick of this East Coast bias. How do you know that I'm not on the West Coast. Maybe I got up at the crack of 1:00 p.m. to do this chat. I didn't have to get up before lunch, you know.
how do you thing cutler will help the bears offense?
DJ Gallo (4:15 PM)
Wait until he discovers what that Chicago wind does to his bangs. He is not going to be happy. I predict he demands another trade before Week 1.
J.B. (Dunmore, PA)
Better matchup: UConn women's basketball v Louisville women's basketball or Harlem Globetrotters v Washington Generals?
DJ Gallo (4:17 PM)
I think you are being a bit disrespectful of the Washington Generals. By the way, I do think this raises a good idea: Why not a women's Harlem Globetrotters team? They could entertain the crowd with sound fundamentals. Look, kids! A textbook bounce pass!
Francisco Cordova & Ricardo Rincon (Mexico)
What? No love for our all-Mexican No Hitter for the Pirates?
DJ Gallo (4:18 PM)
Sorry, guys. My mistake. But I never really saw you as a specific nationality. I saw you more as gods among men.
Does Tyler Hansborough's display of boyish giddiness make it on the Mount Rushmore of all-time awkward White-Guy celebrations?
DJ Gallo (4:20 PM)
I don't know. What made it great was that it was 100-percent sincere. And, unfortunately, that also made it soul-crushingly sad.
Sean (TR NJ)
What do you see happening to the Suns when they miss the playoffs a total overhaul of the roster or just a little tweaking?
DJ Gallo (4:21 PM)
I don't know. But I'm sure the news will be broken by Shaq's tweets.
Lane Kiffin (Knoxville)
DJ Gallo is going to end up working at a gas station
DJ Gallo (4:23 PM)
Lane, I loved your recent claim that all of your antics are in order to get publicity for Tennessee in football-rich states like Florida and Texas. "Hey, Mom and Dad, I just saw a story on the news about a moron who coaches a team way up in Tennessee. I want to go there!"
CAL (St. Paul, MN)
I just read that 21 people were arrested in East Lansing last night for starting 12 fires and rioting after Michigan State lost. So are we rioting after our teams lose now or is this normal for East Lansing?
DJ Gallo (4:24 PM)
I pro-rioting after a loss. Of course, I'm a Pirates fan, so my neighbors are very much against this policy of mine.
Monte Kiffin (Knoxville)
I'm working at a gas station right now.
Mitch (Okemos, MI)
Brad Childress is to the quarterback position as . . . ?
DJ Gallo (4:25 PM)
Brian Billick is to the quarterback position? Billick should sue Childress for stealing his act. "Intellectual" property theft!
Efrain (Bayonne NJ)
You're average response time is 2.25 minutes...your thoughts?
DJ Gallo (4:26 PM)
It's about time someone has brought sabermetric principles to chatting. Please figure out my VORC.
Al Davis (Oakland)
And you thought I was the jerk for firing this guy.
DJ Gallo (4:27 PM)
People can telegraph questions into SportsNation chats now? Huh.
Nick (Coeur d'Alene)
How many days does it take you to heal from a collar bone fracture?
DJ Gallo (4:28 PM)
With or without steroids? (You know ... hypothetically/allegedly/other words that avoid lawsuits.)
The Suits (Bristol)
Good lord, he has a negative VORC! Someone get The Pulse on the phone, now.
Cosmo (Anytown, USA)
How old were you when they removed the patch from your glasses and said that your lazy eye was "all better"?
DJ Gallo (4:29 PM)
Sorry, I can only see the left side of your question, what with the patch on my right eye.
Joe Biden (Washington)
Remember that time I threw out the first pitch at an Orioles game?
DJ Gallo (4:30 PM)
I was afraid you would make your biggest gaffe ever and accidentally chuck a grenade.
There are too many acronyms in the MLB (see!). I think we should go with animals. You know, Chipper Jones has a leopard of .356, with a tiger of .456, and a snake of .856...too fruity?
DJ Gallo (4:30 PM)
If by "fruity" you mean "awesome," then no.
J.B. (Dunmore, PA)
Have you yet or do you have future plans to tweet?
DJ Gallo (4:33 PM)
Oh, I already tweet. Just started: twitter.com/thatdjgallo. Unfortunately, the ratio of my followers to Shaq's followers is the same as my weight to Shaq's weight.
As a guy who grew up outside of East Lansing... it's never a bad time for setting a few couches on fire in the street. It's perfectly normal for MSU students to riot after a loss. It would have been worse if it hadn't been snowing.
DJ Gallo (4:34 PM)
I think we need to get Michigan teams and West Virginia and Maryland teams into more championships. It's the best way to revive the American couch industry.
When I clicked on Jason Varitek's HitZone in my MLB GameCast, my computer started to laugh at me. Why?
I thought your NCAA tournament celebrity preview was funnier--particularly the Billy Mays/West Virginia part--than your MLB preview. Are you losing your touch?
DJ Gallo (4:35 PM)
Thanks. Can I forward this to the people who e-mailed me to say that my NCAA tournament preview stunk, while my MLB preview was great?
Tuberculosis McGee (Hoboken, RR)
I think Chipper Jones is a great hobo name. It's right up there with Dusty Baker and Stump Merrill.
DJ Gallo (4:36 PM)
I don't know. I'm not sure I'd want to fall asleep in the same railcar as a guy named Chipper.
Mike (Los Angeles)
Would you be the sports satirist that you are today if you didn't grow up as a Pirates fan?
DJ Gallo (4:37 PM)
Phil (Augusta, GA)
Hey Jerk! Notice I lost weight this year???
DJ Gallo (4:38 PM)
Your all-milk diet won't work forever. Eventually you'll dry up.
Chipper is a newsie's name, not a hobo name.
DJ Gallo (4:39 PM)
Good point. But considering that newspapers are about to go out of business, all newsies will soon become hoboes.
Cosmo (Anytown, USA)
Is it morally wrong to participate in a fantasy basketball league that only allows you to choose white guys?
DJ Gallo (4:41 PM)
I don't know about morally wrong. It might be a bit un-PC. Why not just have a fantasy league for the Big Sky Conference?
I will have sex with you to make Kris mad.
DJ Gallo (4:42 PM)
Sure. Whatever. But I think Kris is probably mad already. He's the fifth starter for the TEXAS RANGERS!! He was the No. 1 overall pick, for crying out loud.
Efrain (Bayonne NJ)
Does Michael Jordan really think he could still play looking doughy?
DJ Gallo (4:43 PM)
It depends. If he has Vegas muscle behind him and the right ref, he could still produce.
Jeremy (Algonquin, IL)
Hey D.J. at least the pirates have a decent farm system to keep the Yankees stocked for years to come.
DJ Gallo (4:45 PM)
Actually not true. Non-Pirates fans think Pittsburgh is always flush with young talent that they trade away when they reach the minors. In fact, they are horrible at all levels. Gooooooooo, Pirates!
Chan Ho Park looked pretty good in pre season do you think he can reserect his old winning was in Philly?
DJ Gallo (4:46 PM)
I don't know. I will be interested to see. And I mean REALLY interested to see. Because Chan Ho Park + Philly's bandbox stadium = lots of entertainment.
Skip Schumaker: Scrap or crap? You decide Gallo, America needs your authority.
DJ Gallo (4:47 PM)
Mike, you don't realize it, but you have cracked the riddle of true sports knowledge. You can't spell "scrappy" without "crappy."
Josh (Knoxville, TN)
Gettin hitched on Saturday. Any advice?
DJ Gallo (4:48 PM)
Have your bodyguards shoot at the photographer. I hear that's what all the cool people do now.
nick (albuquerque, nm)
It is a good thing you don't check for grammar in your chats. You would have run through 2 red pens by now.
DJ Gallo (4:49 PM)
I used to. But then I had to keep replacing my monitor. ZING!
Manatee Community College
Pittsburgh sucks. You suck. That's all.
DJ Gallo (4:50 PM)
Yeah, well ... last time I was in the Keys, I left my boat propeller on full speed through a manatee zone. Let's just say the water got chunky.
The sale of Sportspickle made Deadspin. How does that make you feel?
DJ Gallo (4:51 PM)
I don't read that dreck. (It did?! Sweet!)
I was jilted once before, but I must ask again...will you marry me?
DJ Gallo (4:52 PM)
Sure. You bring the armed, trigger-happy bodyguards, I'll bring the prenuptial agreement.
Jacques Cousteau (France)
Zere are no manatees in ze Keys, because ze manatees are freshwater mammals, and ze Keys are an area of brackish / marine salinity. Merci.
DJ Gallo (4:54 PM)
See, so that didn't happen. I was just kidding. So, PETA people, please disperse from the front of my house with your torches and pitchforks. And, no, you may not take the Michael Vick Fathead off my front door.
Assuming you have met some celebrities/athletes, who was the biggest a-hole?
DJ Gallo (4:57 PM)
I was on a TV show out in LA and in the green room with me was the female star of Battlestar Galactica. I had no idea who she was because I never saw the show. She was quite nice, but I thought she was just a staffer. No doubt she was quite taken by me because I was not impressed by her presence. I'm sure she would have proposed marriage, but then an actual staffer of the show whispered in my ear who she was and I threw up all over myself.
Nick C, Evansville, Indiana
How much should the world hate the St. Louis Cardinals?
DJ Gallo (4:58 PM)
9. I don't know what that is on a scale of, however. It could be 1-10. It could be 1-100. It could be the less popular 1-17 scale.
So Kumar kills himeself on House and now ends up in the Obama administration? Has life jumped the shark?
DJ Gallo (5:00 PM)
This really puts a lot of pressure on Harold, don't you think? Outside of joining the Peace Corps, he pretty much just looks like a selfish jerk.
Matt (Waldwick, NJ)
Is Toronto renaming itself T.O.ron.T.O. for one day next fall not the greatest honor for an athlete? Has a city ever renamed itself for just one person?
DJ Gallo (5:00 PM)
Please tell me this is not true.
Andy (St. Louis, MO)
I'm in a women's tourney challenge with my brothers and I picked 12-9 as the tiebreaker for the final score. Was I too generous?
DJ Gallo (5:01 PM)
You might get the 9 right. But UConn will be closer to 120.
Carlos (Waukegan, IL)
St. Petersburg in Russia renamed itself Leningrad (after Vladimir Lenin) in 1924.
DJ Gallo (5:04 PM)
Well, I suppose T.O. and V.I. (Lenin) have had equally positive impacts on the world, so I see the precedent.
Wally (Oak Lawn, IL)
Way to avoid Topes actual question.
DJ Gallo (5:05 PM)
DJ, you just got bumped off the main page in favor of women's hoops. What do you have to say about this?
DJ Gallo (5:05 PM)
Only 3.5 hours until tip-off. Wooooooooooooooo!
DJ Gallo (5:07 PM)
Okay, lady and gentlemen, I'm done. Don't forget to watch tonight's NCAA title game. I have UConn by 33. But only by 25 if Louisville plays Earl Clark.