I know, I know: You're sick of Charlie Sheen. We're all sick of Charlie Sheen. It is impossible to spend any portion of your day on the Internet and not, by this point, be sick of Charlie Sheen. Some people reached this point early in Sheen's strange-yet-profitable public meltdown; I'll admit it took me a little longer than most. But we're all here, we're all tired of hearing the words "tiger blood," and I think we've all officially moved on. (Most of us to Rebecca Black. Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday. Best. Lyrics Ever.)
That said, however, we do owe Sheen a few things. For one, he gave us a legendary hashtag -- #winning -- which is versatile enough to be used in basically every possible situation. It can be sarcastic, it can be serious, it can be plastered on the VCU athletics home page after the school's first-round over Georgetown ... it really is remarkable. So, as a debt of gratitude to Sheen's marketing brilliance, let's take a moment and gaze upon Sheen's brief, hilarious foray into college basketball.
Yes, Charlie Sheen filled out a bracket. Yes, that bracket is every bit as crazy as you'd think.
(Sheen submitted his celebrity bracket to the Dan Patrick Show. I found it on the New Yorker. It's practically a miracle that it took this long to scroll across my eyeballs, but either way, here it is.)
How does Sheen's bracket stack up to yours? Not well: The warlock's Final Four comprises one team, BYU, that remains in the tournament field. The other three -- Long Island, Akron and Cincinnati -- are gone. This is no surprise, considering Long Island and Akron are No. 15 seeds. No. 15 seeds have won exactly four times in the NCAA tournament since 1985. Why, exactly, Sheen took two No. 15 seeds to go all the way to the NCAA tournament final -- where he predicted the two would tie -- is destined to go down as one of life's eternal mysteries, especially considering the Cincinnati and BYU picks are actually pretty reasonable.
More likely than not, Sheen filled out this bracket in a haze of phone calls, tweets and brainstorming sessions for new catchphrases. He probably forgot his picks a minute after he faxed in his "winner!" But I like to think Sheen agonized with his bracket. I like to think he looked at all the teams, pored over his seeding and eventually settled on the combination of picks that he thought best suited his attempts at amateur basketball prognostication.
For most of us, this means "picking a winning bracket." For Sheen, this means "looking as crazy as possible." Either way, the process is the same. Either way, our brackets are all busted. The man may have international fame, more money than I can fathom, and "tiger blood," but perhaps we're not so different after all.