And I don't mean "destroys" in the slang sense like, say, "Oh, you killed it! You destroyed!" No, I mean it's entirely possible Junior Cadougan forever destroyed my ability to enjoy a song.
Of course, I'm only kidding, but first let's get some explanation.
Every year, Marquette shoots some preseason video for the arena scoreboards at the Bradley Center. This year, one of the features is called "Name That Song." A player sings for a little bit, everybody in the crowd laughs, the "make some noise!" graphics come on the screen, and then it's back to basketball.
According to Marquette spokesman Scott Kuykendall (who was kind enough to send me the video), the Golden Eagles filmed this year's hits in a practice gym, where guard Jake Thomas and forward Jamil Wilson were on hand to witness Cadougan's effort.
So, OK, readers ... can you name that song?
Yes, yes, it's Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby." But that's not an easy guess! Cadougan's headphone-aided vocals are just that bad.
The funniest part? Kuykendall said that when Cadougan finished, the junior guard said he thought he had done pretty well. Apparently Wilson and Thomas' laughter wasn't enough of a hint. I'm not sure whether Marquette will eventually use this during a game -- it seems like it could pop some eardrums on an arena loudspeaker -- but if so, the crowd will be the ultimate judge.
Anyway, you have to hand it to Junior: He really sells it. He's into the song. He gives it his all. But a future as a singer? Yeah, that's probably not going to happen.