Rabid Reaction: Eulogizing the Cowboys' season

Rabid Reaction: Our series of knee-jerk-styled, emotional overreactions from Ben Rogers of 103.3 FM ESPN's Ben and Skin Show. He's known to get way too excited over even the slightest of developments with the teams he grew up with in the DFW. Proceed with caution ...

We didn't have the pleasure of knowing a deep Cowboys playoff run this year, but I’ve spent some time following the adventures of Jerry, Stephen and Spalding Jones. I was raised on Cowboys football during the jewelry-producing Staubach and Aikman eras, so I have a very clear impression of the kind of glorious run that we’re here to bury today.

The 2011 Cowboys season started with such high hopes. Gone was Wade Phillips and his relaxed, friendly lemonade salesman style of leadership. In his place was a red-headed cyborg robot with the most coveted scantron in the classroom.

But in the end, Jason Garrett’s knack to finish other people’s complicated chalkboard formulas -- that only one or two others could -- ultimately gave credence to the theory that he is quite possibly little more than a very intelligent Valley Ranch janitor, potentially capable of being best friends with Ben Affleck.

But despite Garrett’s distinct ability to bore an entire room of reporters into medical grade comas with repeated monotone mentions of watching tape, all three phases and the process on a weekly basis, the Cowboys' offense racked up the second-most yards in franchise history with the worst offensive line in the history of organized football. So clearly the offense was not to blame here

When the season started, Rob Ryan’s enormous belly offered tremendous promise of big things to come. However, in the end, it proved to be little more than a human beer refrigerator and gas-powered balloon muffler. For it was truly nothing more than fruitless hot air coming from this Ryan, and all Ryans for that matter. Were it not for the intoxicating allure of his balsa wood-based bold talk, many of us would have wisely protected our fragile Jerry Jones trampled football hearts.

But because of his completely unsubstantiated and never-backed-up swagger, we believed. Rob Ryan sold us a box of disgusting rotten vegetables, and we couldn’t wait to eat them up as if it was the finest produce in the country. And for that mistake, we all feel tremendous sorrow today as the 2011 Cowboys season rests forever in the Jerryworld-sized coffin metaphor before us.

And so we say goodbye to Terence Newman, perhaps the worst cornerback in the history of the forward pass. Goodbye Anthony Spencer, master of ordinary. Goodbye Martellus Bennett, beacon of underachievement. Goodbye Bradie James, creator of the tackling piggyback ride. Goodbye Keith Brooking, linebacking Bill Bates.

The 2011 Dallas Cowboys season died a cold, wet, miserable death last night in the far-away Meadowlands. But in truth, this franchise has been on life support for a decade and a half. Jerry Jones is the worst GM in football, but he is going nowhere. And because of that, nothing will change.

Perhaps during this quiet time we can spare a special thought and offer our sympathy, our love and our support to Cowboys fans, their families and loved ones -- and most importantly, to Tony Romo. You, sir, are not to blame for any of this. This violent, bloody football death falls directly on the head of one Jerry Jones -- the all-time QB and we're-doing-it-my-way bully of this never-ending disaster called Jerry Jones-brand Dallas Cowboys football.

Rest in peace, 2011 Dallas Cowboys. You will not fool us again in 2012.