HOUSTON -- For the Houston Texans first division game of 2013, Vanilla Ice sang Ice Ice Baby at halftime.
That was the last time the Texans won.
Coincidence? We'll find out on Sunday night when fans will hear another iconic 90s hip hop song at halftime. Young MC will perform "Bust-a-Move."
A Texans win over the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday night will be a clear sign from the football gods the Texans need to do this every game.
Some suggestions in that event.
Nov. 17 vs. Oakland Raiders: We really wanted Ice Cube, given the Raiders connection, but were talked out of it because he's too big.
Instead: Los Angeles native Tone Loc to perform Wild Thing and Funky Cold Medina.
Nov. 24 vs. Jacksonville Jaguars: Can't offer the best 90s hip hop talent for what will probably be a divisional game against a still-winless team. For this game, Snow. Mostly because this is how the Wikipedia page for Snow's hit Informer begins: "'Informer' is a 1992 single by Canadian reggae musician Snow."
Alternate: Coolio. Pretty sure he's available since, during the course of this discussion, Comcast Sports Net's James Palmer revealed that he and his friends once rented Coolio for a ski trip in Colorado.
Dec. 1 vs. New England Patriots: Biz Markie to perform Just a Friend.
Alternate: Whatever members of Digital Underground are available to perform the Humpty Dance (especially Humpty, pronounced with an umpty).
Alternate: MC Hammer, who should perform "U Can't Touch This" and "Too Legit to Quit." And he should wear hammer pants. That should be in the contract.
If the 90s hip hop theme turns things around for the Texans enough that they make the playoffs, win two games and then host the AFC Championship game, there is only one option for who should play at halftime. Gotta go local and serious: The Geto Boys shall perform Mind Playing Tricks on Me.
Boom. What say you?