Super Bowl-evading former quarterback Dan Marino is more than half a century old now, which means he is officially eligible to hawk products and services to old people. In celebration of this, Marino recently signed on as the new “Men’s Life Ambassador” for the AARP. Drawing from his unique experiences as a football superhero, he’ll use the AARP website to reach out to men of his general demographic on topics such as health, fitness, sports and lifestyle.

So ... a blogger then? Like one of us? A MORTAL???

Excellent.

While Mr. Marino hasn’t posted anything on the website yet, our dubious sources were able to infiltrate the AARP's AOL account and confirm these forthcoming headlines:

• Dime coverage: Resituating your hair to conceal bald spots

• Using Under Armour to restrain unruly skin

• Social Security in the pocket

• Two-minute warning: What to do when Cialis doesn’t take

• Bro-ing out at the malt shop with Jamie Moyer

• Stiff arm no more: Bathtub Bengay and other homemade analgesics

• Improving your completion percentage with natural laxatives

• God’s bounty program: Are you next?