Nick Saban is “the devil himself.”
Those are the words of Tim Davis, Florida’s offensive line coach, at a Gators booster club meeting Tuesday night.
Davis is not alone in believing the Alabama head coach is the Prince of Darkness. Vanderbilt head coach James Franklin called Saban “Nicky Satan” just four months ago.
It might be easy to ignore these statements as the rantings of the insane, but Davis and Franklin are well-known, highly-respected men in their states. Like our nation’s congressmen, it’s unlikely these men would just start spouting nonsense about someone they don’t like.
The possible Satan-Saban connection at the very least deserves further investigation. Why do opposing coaches keep discerning similarities between the source of all that is evil in the world and the most successful active college football coach? Take a look.
• SATAN and SABAN are exactly the same word except for one letter. What is the one letter that changes SATAN to SABAN? The letter "B." Another name for Satan, "Beelzebub," starts with B. As does "blood." Same with "Bieber." Suspicious? It definitely is if you're a Florida fan.
• Satan is said to reside in the hottest fires of hell. Nick Saban resides in Tuscaloosa, Ala., which has an average daily high temperature in July of 91 degrees. And when you factor in the humidity? Hellish.
• Satan hates the church. Saban destroyed Notre Dame in the BCS title game and made Tim Tebow cry tears of sorrow while wearing John 3:16 face stickers.
• Satan is thought to have horns. Saban wears his hair in a poofy (possibly horn-concealing?) style or just covers his (horns?) head with a hat.
• Many people dress up as Satan for Halloween. Nick Saban was born in 1951: October 31, 1951.
• Satan is called the “Father of Lies.” Saban infamously said, “I’m not going to be the Alabama coach.” Does that mean anything? Ask a Dolphins fan if you can find one.
• Another name for Satan is Lucifer. Saban’s middle name is Lou. Coincidence? An Auburn fan might think not.
• Some believe that Satan brings nightmares. This Saban statue gives people nightmares.
• Satan is red. Saban’s team wears red.
• Satan hates everything and can never experience true joy. Here is a picture of Saban.
Is the evidence damning? You decide. It is a question of faith/fandom.
Just realize that if you make the wrong decision, you risk an eternity with the hounds(tooth?) of hell.