People Much Better Than Me

If Tiger Woods hears a camera click as he's swinging, he'll come close to taking your appendix out with his 3-iron. Which is why he would hate the Beat Tom and Bill Charity Golf Outing. If you're playing in The Beat, you have to learn to swing as a polka band starts up on your backswing. Tom and Bill pay them to do it. They also make sure that you're bothered the entire 18 holes by bagpipers, street organ vendors, even trumpeters. Anything to make your team play like a sick yak and lose to the best-ball score Tom and Bill posted the day before. It's all to raise money for local families in the northwest Chicago suburbs who are fighting cancer. So far, they've raised almost $75,000. If you can beat Tom and Bill, you get the coveted Bobblehead. But it's not easy, since Tom and Bill roam the course yelling at people, taunting them and wearing very plaid clothing. They'll also sing their very annoying hit song, "Please Stop Believing" as you're trying to putt. Go to beattomandbill.com if you think you can handle it. Or if Stevie Williams is your caddy.

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