#cashtag: #SportsWouldBeBetterIf

Before we announce the winner of last week's #cashtag -- sentences that have #NeverBeenUttered -- we need to tell you what happened to the winners from the last two weeks.

1) The guy who won for #LamestJockMoment, Wes Katagi ... ("7th grade swim meet. I won the 50M freestyle race only to be informed it was the breast stroke event") ... donated his $7.93, plus another $13.07, for a total of $20, to Nothing But Nets, our anti-malaria bednet campaign in Africa. Genius!

2) The guy who won for #WorstSportsMascot ... (Mindy, the Pregnant Groupie) ... Jay Bellwoar, actually DID buy a grilled-cheese sandwich at Denny's with his money and tweeted this picture to prove it. This is history, people. Photo by Rose Covalesky.

Furthermore, you need to know that this week's #cashtag is #SportsWouldBeBetterIf.

For instance, if you wrote, "#SportsWouldBeBetterIf ... You got to hit again after a home run" you might win $7.93!

Or if you wrote, "All of Cleveland's teams were switched with all of Boston's teams" you might win $7.93.

Or if you wrote, "Swimsuit models delivered the magazine directly to your house" you might win $7.93.

#NeverBeenUttered, meanwhile, proved to be a fertile ground for your odd minds. It was our most successful #Cashtag ever, in terms of making me blow cereal milk out my nose. As usual, the best ones were too dirty to print.

WINNER OF $7.93 (taxable income)

"Tim Tebow... You ARE the father."

Jake Snyder @JakeSnyder1865


"What are your academic standards, Mr. Calipari?"

Jim Bucher @JimBucher70

"How much to ship the Lombardi Trophy to Cleveland?"

Nick Chastain @fetus45056nc

"Rex Ryan was speechless."

Josh @jwshack

"I can't go out tonight guys, there is a WNBA game on."

Luke Daugherty @lukedaugherty11

"Ripken playing today?"

Brian Green @greenmobe

"Lucas Oil Stadium: The House that Irsay Built."

Jefferson Boswell @jeffersonboz

"Mr. Kobayashi, would you like a box for your leftovers?"

Dayton Martindale @DaytonRMartind

"I'm full." - Charles Barkley

Adam Evans #BCSsucks @AdamHashtagEvan


"Antonio Cromartie.....you are NOT the father!"

Ian Michael @DieFacingTheSun

"Polamalu, get a haircut!"

Alex K. @Number1CSUFan

"And Blake Griffin goes up for a layup."

David Manners @DavidManners

"Peyton Manning was such a d*ck for leaving Indy the way he did."

Travis Reed @doreedo1420

"Please give a warm welcome to our keynote speaker, Leon Spinks."

Dean Smith @Deanmsmith

"Carmelo Anthony is really trying to get his teammates involved tonight."

Brandon Adams @superbranman

"Mike Vick, would u mind dog sitting for me this weekend?"

Elle Hagedorn @whatsthatsmELLE

"Not tonight, Wilt, I have a headache"

Scott Coe @scoutcannon

"The safety's on, Mr. Burress."

Adam Mack @AdamAMack

"The ball really jumps off the bat here at Petco Park."

Bob Brainerd @BobBrainerd

"Welcome to the Palms Mr. Dykstra, can we offer you a line of credit during your stay?"

Randy @965Randy

"I simply must know who your tailor is, Mr. Sager."

Jeff LeMaster @TheJeffLeMaster

"The Bulls would have been nothing without Bill Wennington."

Derek Lippincott @derrrrrique

"Yo Lebron, great fourth quarter"

Judd Liebman @Juddtl

"Thank god we're still paying Bobby Bonilla."

Dan Beach @themagicrat88

"Jamie Moyer officially retires."

Dustin schemmel @schem_hut

"We couldn't keep up with Ben Crane's group."

Curt Goodwin @CurtOU

"Congratulations Danica, you passed the defensive driving test with flying colors!"

Nick Seiler @nick_seiler

"Michael Jordan for NBA Executive of the year!"

Chris Burns @burnsbleedsblue

"Thanks for the pass, Kobe"

Ross MacPherson @RossMacPherson8

"Sorry Mr. Zuckerman, your credit card has been declined..."

Jay Stalnaker @jaystalnaker420

"My bracket has Northwestern going to the sweet sixteen!"

Jeffrey Aday @JeffreyAday

“I’m really looking forward to working with Todd Haley."

mendo_matt @MileHiBroncoGuy

"What a dunk by Derek Fisher"

Dhruv Madeka @DhruvMadeka

"We never should've gotten rid of Jamarcus Russell.

@billadelphia14 ... billy Grenfell

"Saints defense reportedly kept secret "Build-a-Bear" fund"

Nicolas Lewis @DoctorGeeves


"Augusta National is offering a Buy One, Get One Free deal (includes cart)."

John Reilly @peachrules