New Jersey Nets: Where Badness Happens

honey i shrunk the frank

Photo: November 21, 2009

Nets Head Coach Lawrence Frank does not appreciate the smell of Brook Lopez's deodorant.

The Nets take their historically bad show on the road as they face Denver tonight who has yet to lose at home (5-0) this season. The 0-13 start by the Nets is 4 games off the NBA record for the worst start in league history. The Heat were in their inaugural season (1988) when they went 0-17 and the Clippers were still the Clippers when they did it in 1998-99, but for a franchise that once featured Croatian sharpshooter Drazen Petrovic it’s unthinkable.

The Nets might be harnessing energy from the memorable 1976-77 team. That Nets team finished an NBA worst 22-60, but set an NBA record of their own along the way. In February that year they became the first NBA team to sport an all-left-handed starting lineup led by none other than Bubbles Hawkins (watch him take on Pistol Pete in H-O-R-S-E). Maybe the start has been an homage to the All-Lefts?

Maybe Russian billionaire and new Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov has used some of his money to buy those mind-controlling weapons Jesse Ventura is talking about as part of an elaborate plan to sink the Nets and land the best odds of obtaining Kentucky phenom John Wall in next June’s draft? John Wall + Lebron James + Brooklyn stadium = Happy Russian. Maybe this can be an episode on Ventura’s Conspiracy Theory?

New Jersey's next four games are on the road vs. Denver, Portland, Sacramento and the L.A. Lakers. We want to remain optimistic, but other than sneaking past the Kings, there isn't much reason to jump for joy. Unless the mind-control-for-a-lottery-pick thing is true. In which case, hooray!