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From Hall of Famers to Hello Kitty, ranking each MLB team's bobblehead giveaways

Marc Serota/Getty Images

Bobbleheads are still a popular promotional item at your local big league park. And why not? Who doesn't love a bobblehead? I have an Ichiro Suzuki and Mike Cameron in my office, along with Mark Messier, who played some other goofy sport in which the players slide around on ice. A good bobblehead list should focus on the current roster, but if a team wants to commemorate its history, that's fine as well, especially if they can find a creative way to do so.

With that in mind, here are my rankings for this season's bobblehead giveaways (lists generated from the promotional schedule on each team's website):

1. Seattle Mariners: Nelson Cruz, Kyle Seager, Felix Hernandez, Robinson Cano, Ken Griffey Jr. Hall of Fame

That's a nice list of stars, but Griffey's Hall of Fame bobblehead puts the Mariners over the top. The Mariners are certainly milking everything out of Junior's Hall of Fame induction: There's the bobblehead night on Aug. 5, his jersey retirement ceremony and replica Hall of Fame plaque giveaway on Aug. 6, and then replica jersey day on Aug. 7. I will forgive them, though: Without him, there may not even be a team in Seattle.

2. Chicago Cubs: Anthony Rizzo, Jake Arrieta, Kris Bryant, Joe Maddon, Kyle Schwarber, 2016 World Series Champs

OK, I made that last one up. Rizzo's bobblehead celebrates his tarp catch. Let's just hope next year they don't do a bobblehead of that creepy mime from spring training.

3. Atlanta Braves: Skip Carey and Pete Van Wieren, Chipper Rescues Freddie ATV bobblehead, player to be named, Andruw Jones Spiderman Catch, Chipper Jones 2000 All-Star, Bobby Cox Carried Off

OK, the Chipper Jones and Freddie Freeman bobblehead -- honoring that great moment in Braves history when Freeman got stuck in a snowstorm for five hours, finally to be rescued by Chipper on his ATV -- may now be my second-favorite one ever, behind only the "Kent Hrbek pulls Ron Gant off first base" bobblehead commemorating the infamous play from the 1991 World Series. That alone almost pushes the Braves to No. 1, but while they're celebrating the final year at Turner Field, it's not a good sign when the only active player you have is "to be named."

4. Los Angeles Dodgers: Clayton Kershaw, Dave Roberts, Adrian Gonzalez, Don Newcombe, Dusty Baker, 1981 World Series Tri-MVP (Ron Cey, Steve Yeager, Pedro Guerrero), Kenta Maeda, Howie Kendrick

Good list, mixing the team's present with its past. Missed opportunity though: A Chase Utley sliding bobblehead. (I kid, I kid!)

5. Kansas City Royals: Ned Yost, Kendrys Morales, Alcides Escobar, Wade Davis, Salvador Perez

These are billed as commemorative postseason bobbleheads, so that's cool, but if that's the case, how can you not have an Eric Hosmer Mad Dash one?

6. San Francisco Giants: Matt Duffy, Brandon Crawford, Madison Bumgarner, Hunter Pence, Mike Krukow

If you're Joe Panik, are you ticked off that you only get a backpack instead of a bobblehead?

7. New York Yankees: Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle Triple Crown, Didi Gregorius, Yankees Peanut, Dellin Betances

Ruth, Mantle ... Gregorius. One of these names is not like the others. The website said Yankees Peanut, but I wonder if it's supposed to say Yankees Peanuts as in the Charlie Brown characters. But maybe Yankees fans just really like their peanuts.

8. St. Louis Cardinals: Adam Wainwright, Trevor Rosenthal, Adam Wainwright and Yadier Molina, Matt Holliday, Cardinals Vintage, Eddie Gaedel

They could be ranked higher, but I have a couple of issues here. The Wainwright/Molina one depicts the final out of the 2006 World Series, so that's a neat one; no problem there. But the Rosenthal one comes with a sound chip; I don't want my bobbleheads talking to me. Good lord, no. Then there's the Eddie Gaedel one. He's the 3-foot-7 slugger who Bill Veeck let bat in a gimmick stunt. I love the idea of an Eddie Gaedel bobblehead ... except he played for the Browns, not the Cardinals. He has nothing to do with the Cardinals. Would the Red Sox have a Bucky Dent bobblehead?

9. Houston Astros: Dallas Keuchel, Colby Rasmus, Carlos Correa, Jose Altuve, George Springer

These all have tie-ins to the 2015 season, like Keuchel winning the Cy Young and Correa winning rookie of the year. Springer's is the must-have, though, because it's sponsored by Nolan Ryan Beef. Is there anything more Texas than Nolan Ryan Beef?

10. Toronto Blue Jays: Josh Donaldson, Carlos Delgado/Jose Bautista/Vernon Wells, Troy Tulowitzki, Kevin Pillar, Dave Stieb/Pat Hentgen/Roy Halladay

The Jays are celebrating their 40th season with a couple of all-time great trio bobbleheads. But how could they miss out on a George Bell/Lloyd Moseby/Jesse Barfield "Outfield of the '80s"? Or Rance Mulliniks/Garth Iorg "Awesome Third-Base Platoon," or "Couple Having Sex in the SkyDome Hotel With the Curtain Open"?

11. Boston Red Sox: David Price, Jason Varitek, Wally and Tessie, David Ortiz, Xander Bogaerts

They rejected my idea of a Pablo Sandoval/Hanley Ramirez "$183 Million" dual bobble. Kudos, however, to the PR department for showing restraint and not having, like, six Ortiz giveaways.

12. New York Mets: Mike Piazza, Matt Harvey

Extra credit if the Piazza Hall of Fame bobblehead features frosted hair.

13. Arizona Diamondbacks: A.J. Pollock, Paul Goldschmidt, Zack Greinke, David Peralta

Very solid group, but the unfortunate Pollock injury dampened the April 23 giveaway.

14. Washington Nationals: Max Scherzer, Bryce Harper, Racing President, Dusty Baker, Max Scherzer, Michael Taylor

The Scherzer bobbleheads are billed as a two-piece set, honoring his two no-hitters. And, hey, Dusty Baker joins Ken Griffey Jr. as the only guy to be honored by two teams this year! Take that, trivia monsters. But no Bryce Harper? Say it ain't so.

Update: The Nationals DO have a Harper MVP bobblehead on May 11. My apologies for missing that. They can probably just mass produce that one and keep the extras in storage for the next decade.

15. Pittsburgh Pirates: Raise the Jolly Roger, Gerrit Cole, Jung Ho Kang, Francisco Liriano

"Raise the Jolly Roger" is the signature call of Pirates broadcaster Greg Brown when the Pirates win, and the bobblehead features the Pirate Parrot mascot. Which is much better than the alternative idea: The Pirate Parrot throwback selling cocaine.

16. Detroit Tigers: Tigers Vintage, Ian Kinsler, J.D. Martinez

I'm guessing Tigers fans have seven or eight Miggy bobbleheads by now.

17. Cincinnati Reds: Joey Votto, Star Wars Mr. Redlegs X-Wing Fighter, Ken Griffey Jr., Zack Cozart, Eugenio Suarez

I was going to criticize the Reds for jumping on the Griffey bandwagon, considering he has fewer career WAR with the Reds than Hal Morris. But I'll give them a pass since it's a dual bobblehead, featuring Griffey with both the Reds and Mariners. Now, about that Star Wars thing ...

18. Colorado Rockies: Nolan Arenado, Charlie Blackmon Star Wars, DJ LeMahieu Ghostbusters, Nolan Arenado Gold Glove, Carlos Gonzalez

You know, with all these movie-themed tie-ins, I want to see a team get more creative. How about the Nolan Arenado "Unbearable Lightness of Being" bobblehead?

19. Cleveland Indians: Yan Gomes, Jim Thome Hall of Fame, Bob Feller

That's the Indians' Hall of Fame for Thome, not the Hall of Fame Hall of Fame. Demerits for not having a Francisco Lindor giveaway.

20. Tampa Bay Rays: Kevin Kiermaier, Chris Archer, Chris Archer Stormtrooper, Kevin Kiermaier Santa Claus

OK, they're doubling on two guys here, so you have to dock the Rays for that, but the Kiermaier Claus one is kind of cute. Because when I think of Christmas, I think of Tropicana Field in July.

21. Los Angeles Angels: Mike Trout and Albert Pujols

For some reason, the Angels decided not to go with the Craig Gentry/Daniel Nava left-field platoon bobble.

22. Miami Marlins: Charles Johnson, Jeff Conine, Kevin Brown, Ichiro Suzuki, Mike Lowell, Luis Castillo, Moises Alou, Edgar Renteria, Dontrelle Willis, Alex Gonzalez, Jim Leyland

Look, if you're going to celebrate Marlins All-Stars of the past, you have to include Paul Lo Duca, Carl Pavano and Gaby Sanchez. And can we verify these aren't simply leftovers from previous years? (I kid, I kid!)

23. Texas Rangers: Rougned Odor, Blue Dot, Cole Hamels, Green Dot, Adrian Beltre, Elvis Landrus Calrissian Star Wars, Red Dot

The Beltre one is cool because it comes with a removable helmet, but the dog will probably just eat that anyway when it falls, and that excellent idea is canceled out by dots. I mean, is the dot race that popular in Arlington? Am I missing something? And it's a dot connected to a pair of human legs, not a bobblehead. Does the dot bobble? Maybe I should just put the Rangers last. But I really love Adrian Beltre.

24. Minnesota Twins: Miguel Sano, Ervin Santana, Torii Hunter, Twins Vintage

I'm guessing the Sano bobblehead won't feature him playing right field.

25. Milwaukee Brewers: 1980s Vintage, Ryan Braun, Greg Vaughn, Jimmy Nelson, Craig Counsell

Hey, Greg Vaughn is in the top 100 of all time in home runs.

26. Chicago White Sox: Chris Sale

Well, if you're going to do just one, you may as well do the 2016 American League Cy Young winner.

27. Philadelphia Phillies: Maikel Franco

I think this is an indication that they weren't too sure who would still be on the roster in July.

28. Baltimore Orioles: Orioles bobblehead

I assume this is an old-school vintage one, which is fine, but how about an old-school Frank Robinson to celebrate the 50th anniversary of his Triple Crown season?

29. Oakland Athletics: Josh Reddick, Hello Kitty, Jose Canseco Rookie of the Year

I may not be the target audience for Hello Kitty, but I'm still subtracting points.

30. San Diego Padres: None

The Padres are hosting the All-Star Game, so this seems like a missed opportunity. I mean, who wouldn't want a Johnny Grubb bobblehead?