You Can Learn a Lot About Athletes from Cribs

At the instigation of Chris Snethen (via Eric Marentette) I just re-watched some old Cribs episodes where we get to see Zach Randolph's house and Rasheed Wallace's old Portland house.

The Randolph episode has several oddities. First of all, when you have huge TVs in the living room, bedroom, and bar, do you need a special TV viewing room?

Also, I had just a little moment of nervousness when Zach let his three pit bulls out of the fence and they just started running around free. They heeded his commands pretty well, though, and two out of three laid down when Randolph said something to them that sounded to me like German. Maybe the other one doesn't speak German.

Full disclosure: I'm not biased against Pit Bulls. I own a fantastic half-Pit who tends to be aggressive towards dogs she doesn't know. I'm just tuned into aggressive dogs. One thing I have learned: people with totally safe, calm dogs tend not to have the the bush-league chain-link little dog run in the back, like Randolph has. People who have that typically need to put the dogs "away" from the guests and they can't put them in the basement because they start damaging things. And, as much as I love and understand the breed, the off-leash, unfenced band of sprinting pit bulls will always give me the willies.

Anyway, I digress. The dogs also factor into what is easily the creepiest moment of the whole Randolph episode: the mother of his daughter is there, totally pregnant, and never gets introduced. Not one word out of her. That could have been the fault of some MTV producers, not Randolph. But he cements her place in the household hierarchy somewhat by standing in the driveway with her and his dogs and saying he has "five babies." The mother of his children comes in fourth by Randolph's count. The dogs were one, two, and three, and the unborn daughter brings up the rear.

In contrast, the Rasheed Wallace episode puts me totally at ease. Two seconds into the thing he barks out "TEA and CRUMPETS!" Later he makes a big fuss over some turkey bacon, and a woodcut of himself and his wife Fatima (who actually gets to speak) that made her cry when he gave it to her on their anniversary. The kids' rooms have hand-painted themes of the children's choosing. And best of all, Wallace shows us his dusty 1996 Ford Bronco, while claiming "I keep all my cars dirty." That's one thing I have in common with an NBA player.