<
        >

          Cheat codes, safeties and the best of the bad beats of the week

          Is Taysom Hill a fantasy football "cheat code?" Ken Murray/Icon Sportswire
          • Jason Fitz
          Oct 11, 2022, 09:00 AM ET

          The Jets and Giants are above .500 while both teams from last year's Super Bowl are below it? And we're in October already? Happy fall, y'all.

          We actually choose to bet in a world where Cooper Rush is undefeated and not one of us had ever even heard of Dolphins rookie quarterback Skylar Thompson until he trotted onto the field. Here's to hoping your bank account isn't falling like the leaves. Time to fill the buckets with tears of joy and heartbreak.

          Fantasy football follies

          Seattle Seahawks at New Orleans Saints

          I love watching Taysom Hill play (as long as it isn't against my beloved Raiders) but not everyone shares that sentiment.

          Jonathan, I get it. Hill going off for 34.08 points yesterday killed many of our fantasy leagues. But that's not what needs to stop - this phrase is.

          Not once, not twice but THREE times yesterday I had friends refer to Hill as a "cheat code." Now, I may need better friends, but we can do more here, America. There has to be a better way to describe the guy who either lifted you to victory or destroyed your Sunday Funday Ice Cream Party plans by going off.

          Verdict: Three buckets -- one for the winner, one for the loser, and one for the death of "cheat code."

          Miami Dolphins at New York Jets

          How many weeks have we all seen something like this happen?

          In a world that can send a man to the moon and invent cars that drive themselves, can we not figure out a fantasy football scoring method that doesn't double doink every one of us that had Breece Hall -- or on a more personal level, every one of us that had Michael Carter and didn't play him?

          Verdict: One bucket -- we're all too angry to cry.

          Sunday betting

          Philadelphia Eagles at Arizona Cardinals

          Kyler Murray got bags of cash this offseason, and maybe his pockets were weighing him down when he slid 6 inches shy of the first down. Maybe his investments were on his mind when he spiked the ball on the next play. But fear not, the kick will tie it?

          Eagles fans rejoice like they never doubted it while Cardinals fans start asking themselves a lot of questions about the Kingsbury/Kyler combo.

          Verdict: Three buckets of "called it" tears, because make or miss the kick, someone in your group said they knew it.

          Los Angeles Chargers at Cleveland Browns

          How about the Chargers trying desperately to give the game away with a fourth-and-2 call that had everyone, including their own players, confused.

          Fear not, though, the Browns "Browned" and let L.A. off the hook with a missed game-winning kick.

          Verdict: Two buckets - because we should expect this from both sides.

          Props and parlays all day

          I've never seen kickoff times analyzed more than they are for Kirk Cousins. But hey, it works! Justin Jefferson had himself a DAY ... all in one quarter!

          But if a quarter is too long, how about the Bills knocking out their to-do checklist in one play?

          But nothing is worse than having a final score bet that goes straight to you-know-where after one team makes the smart decision to take the safety and let time run off the clock. If this happens to you, just turn off your phone because it obviously isn't your lucky day.

          Early payoffs mean relaxing while your friend with the exact score bad beat implodes.

          Verdict: Five buckets

          The best of the rest

          Wyoming vs. New Mexico on Saturday came down to the wire, but the collective gasp you heard all the way from Albuquerque (thank God for autocorrect or my editor would've been really mad) was because Wyoming decided to reward over bettors in the most dramatic way possible

          Verdict: Five buckets - because someone somewhere had a live game bet on a "Pick 6" score and I just want to be happy for them

          And because I never want to leave baseball guy out, here's to all the trash talkers that were incredibly quiet early in the game only to let that rumble become a roar by the end. We've all done it, so I'm not here to judge. If you don't believe me, check out John's numbers.

          Verdict: A million buckets. All of them. Joy, sorrow, angst... and a Mariners series win? October is already out here like your drunk buddy at a fancy summer party. Out of control.

          Just remember, wild endings and chaotic bad beats have been happening longer than most of us can remember watching sports

          I mean who hasn't wanted to try this to get a bet right? Here's to next week. May we all be this happy