A bowl by any other name

This story appears in ESPN The Magazine's Dec. 22 Interview Issue. Subscribe today!

SCOTT VAN PELT: If I'm home, I'll watch any bowl game that's on.

RYEN RUSSILLO: Seriously?!? You know what we call this time of year in the Russillo house? The NBA Bowl. I'll watch most of the big ones, but I'm not gonna watch the Bitcoin St. Petersburg Bowl. Sorry.

S: I don't care if it's Washington State vs. Colorado State, I'm in. I just know at this time of year, we have a finite amount of college football left.

R: That's a good point. But I still think the bowls need a complete rebranding.

S: How so?

R: The names are just sooo stupid. I mean, shouldn't we rename the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl? Can't we, as a people, do better than that?

S: Does Juicy Couture sponsor a bowl yet?

R: Wrong demo, bro.

S: I don't know. I'm more likely to wear some of their bedazzled booty pants than bank at the San Diego County Credit Union.

R: You're on the right track ... sorta. But instead of the Popeyes Bahamas Bowl, why don't we call it the Awesome Tough Guy Bowl?

S: I like that.

R: The Double-Fist Beers Bowl. Like, stuff guys care about.

S: Right.

R: I'm tellin' you right now, if I see an ad for a Creatine Overdose Bowl, there's a zero percent chance I don't tune in. 

S: The Who Can Eat More Jerky Bowl.

R: Right! The Have You Ever Seen a Man Cut Off His Leg Bowl.

S: Um...

R: I mean, who wouldn't watch these? Wouldn't your curiosity be piqued more than, say ...

S: ... the Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl? Actually, I wish they'd bring that one back. I love beef and Brady; you put 'em together and it's magic!

Illustrations by Kagan McLeod

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