ROME IS BURNINGI admit it. When they were down 2 games to 1, I said there was no way the Marlins would come back on the Yankees. Coming back on the Giants and the Cubs was one thing, but the Yanks had been there before: they knew how to finish. The Marlins were done. Dead in the water. Well, either that, or they'd win in six. One or the other. And this isn't about the Cubs choking or the Yankees not getting it done. You can't fluke your way to a world title. Well, unless you're the Angels, but that's beside the point. The Marlins were the best team in baseball. Period. As long as Jeffrey Loria doesn't begin Huizenga-ing his team next week, the fish will be one also be one of the best stories.
I guess we should have listened when Bill Parcells told everyone his Cowboys team wasn't as good as its record indicated. I know this: they're not as good as the Tampa Bay Bucs. And that game wasn't as close as the final 16-0 score indicated. It was humbling but it could have been humiliating. Although they were shutout, Dallas running back Troy Hambrick was not impressed. "You think they've got a great defense? I think we made enough mistakes to make them look good." If they don't have a great defense, then you have a very bad offense. Clearly, this is a team that has to learn how to win and how to lose.
What's so surprising about Pat Riley bailing on the Miami Heat five days before the start of the season? The Heat struck out in free agency, they overpaid for Lamar Odom and Riley obviously didn't feel like suffering through another 30 win season. So he quit. Of course, if any of his guys ever tried that on him, he'd have them run right out of the league. No coach gets more out of his players, but he didn't have nearly enough players. And that's his own fault: he picked the players. Great coach, poor evaluator of talent. And that's why he's no longer on the bench.
The US anti-doping agency continues to look into a possible conspiracy involving chemists, coaches ad athletes. Athletes cheat? Nooo way. Tell me something I don't know. Now, I can't tell you definitively who is and who isn't cheating, but I don't need any empirical data to know it's going on. I have two eyes. I can see. Athletes have always cheated and they always will. Authorities may have gotten lucky and stumbled on to the latest designer drug, THG, but trust me, there's already something in the pipeline to take it's place. The cheaters will always stay a step ahead of the cops.
Perhaps you followed the explosive controversy surrounding purported comedian Carrot Top this past week. 'Top is that rather disturbing dude who pimps collect phone calls on TV. And according to a published report, he was recently seen at a trendy, New York gay bar 'wearing eyeliner. He also had a muscle shirt on to show off his incredibly ripped arms." 'Top immediately issued a statement saying he is "definitely not gay." Look, I don't care if he is or isn't. Where he goes and what he does is his own business. My greater concern is how to keep this guy off my TV. Because, gay or not, if I see him skate into one more pay phone, I think I'll start wearing eyeliner and dye my hair red too.
Producer David Gest, who more than anything else wanted to be David Minelli, but it wasn't meant to be. Liza filed for divorce and denied allegations that she beat him down physically. D. Minelli is suing Liza Minelli saying he has to slam 11 different meds a day in order to deal with pain caused by her allegedly rolling him up. Look Dave, I know you're not exactly a lumberjack or longshoreman or anything. But do you have to be the softest guy walking the face of the earth. You weren't married to Chyna; you were married to a bloated, 57-year old pill popper. Mix in a spine.
Northern Illinois is falling. We no longer have to worry about NIU crashing the BCS party because they were slapped by Bowling Green Saturday 34-18. Goobye major bowl bid. They do have some nice wins. But they aren't BCS material. You're not a BCS team if you play in the MAC. Period. One more thing, instead of getting all worked up every time one of these mid major, flavor of the months upsets someone early and starts banging on the BCS door, let's actually have them finish their schedule before we start sweating this. This comes up every year, and every year some trendy team takes a header before they get there. It's the BYU-Fresno St. Syndrome. When are we going to learn?
Marilyn Monroe and legendary New York Yankee Joe Dimaggio were divorced this month in 1954, just ten months after getting married. That seemed to go pretty well for the Yankee Clipper. 10 months of Marilyn in exchange for 40 years of bitterness and hatred. Sounds about right. Then again, I might be a bit little out of sorts too if the President and his brother were taking turns with my ex-wife. Look at the bright side Joe, you did get to roll with Marilyn, even if it was for just 10 months. That has to count for something.
It takes a real man to admit when he is wrong and I admit it.. With the announcement of The Surreal Life 2, I have changed mind about reality TV. A couple of weeks ago I said here that if you like it, you're a bad person and not very smart. Well, I take it all back. Producers say Tammy Faye Bakker, porn industry dirt ball Ron Jeremy, Erik Estrada and Vanilla Ice are among the degenerates and no lifers that will be sharing living space in Surreal Life 2. Ron Jeremy? I have enough trouble sharing the same state with this slug much less the same dinner table. And how good is Ponch? What, were John, Grossy and Sarge not interested? And how did V. Ice break free of his busy schedule to move in? I guess he was available. And how did they get Tammy Fay Bakker? Isn't she obligated to Larry King Live, five nights a week. It took a revolting porn star, a disgraced rapper, a television CHP officer and a televangelist's wife for me to come over to the dark side, but here I am. Realty TV rocks. How long before Jeremy, Faye Bakker and Ice wake up in the same bed together?