Patrick Graber, a Swiss bodybuilder, has been charged with multiple felonies for allegedly offering to kill Kobe Bryant's accuser for $3 million bucks. Investigators, posing undercover, agreed to pay Graber a mill up front and $2 mill after the hit and then took him down when Graber made a grab at a bag full of fake jack. Rocket scientist. Earlier this month, a university of Iowa student was arrested for leaving a threatening message on the woman's answering machine. Look, I'm sure that Kobe is appreciates that all you would-be murderers and crank callers have his back, but what do you say we just leave this to authorities and the judicial system. Besides, Bryant has enough to worry about what with the loss of reputation, the possibility of countless years in the hole and the millions he had to pay his wife just to get back in his house. Speaking of your wife, k, had you limited your sex to just her and no one else you would have saved yourself a whole helluva lot of trouble and money.

It's a good thing the Philadelphia Eagles were off this week, or Philly fan would have thrown Donovan Mcnabb right under the team bus. Look, the guy obviously isn't right. Right now, he's not the player he was. Anyone can see that. And Donovan, who told you, you were Dan Fouts? You're not a pocket passer, stop acting like it. The ability to kill teams with both your arm and feet is what set you apart. Now, having said all that, it's time for all the haters to roll off this guy; it's as if he went from being one of the game's most dynamic players to its most overrated ever in two week's time. The guy is in a slump; it happens to everyone. . He's led this club to the NFC title game twice and has been to the pro bowl 3 times. You don't kick him to the curb after two bad games or give the rock to A.J. Feeley. He's still the chise. Still, McNabb had better have used this week to get his dome right because if buffalo does them Sunday, Philly will treat him like he's Mitch Williams, Santa Claus and Mike Schmidt all rolled into one.

After Saturday's disastrous loss to Marshall in Manhattan, maybe now Kansas St. will play a real schedule. Notice I said the wildcats disastrous loss and not Marshall's big win. Wildcat coach bill Snyder wastes ridiculous amounts of time making sure his players always fly on the shady side of the plane, eat only soft butter and take the shortest possible routes to every game and practice. Then after all that, he fails to prepare them for marshal. They weren't ready, they thought they could just show up because of the name on the front of their gear and they got smacked. Snyder was thinking he was pretty smart for scheduling marshal when he saw stud q.b. ell Roberson go down recently. But he wasn't. Their schedule is half their problem. Teams ranked sixth in the country should not be playing Umass and McNeese St. And then when they stepped up to play 1-2 marshal, they got slapped. It was one thing when Snyder was trying to build a program ten years ago; those dogs on his schedule served a purpose. But they don't any more . You're never going to be seen as a major national program until you start acting like one. And more importantly, playing like one.

The iditarod dog sled race is still six months away but musher Rachael Scdoris has already scored a win of sorts. Scdoris, who is blind, will be allowed to compete in the race with the help of other seeing-mushers. Good for her. As for the other so-called athletes in the event, what the hell are you doing out there? Besides riding through the snow, beating on a bunch of exhausted, hungry, cold, dogs with a whip. Sounds verrrry sporting. Who wouldn't like to spend the winter, nearly freezing to death, all the while getting to pound on puppies. Me, that's who. This isn't the iditatorod, it's the I killed a dog. Afterall, nothing says thrill of victory quite like beating your dogs longer and harder than the next guy. Congratulations on getting in Rachel. Just be thankful you won't have to see the carnage for yourself.

Rashaun Woods is on the rise. He broke a division a-a record with 7 T.D. catches against SMU Saturday. Is 7 T.D. Receptions any good? He scored T.D.'s on 3 consecutive plays at one point. Hate to say it, but SMU might deserve the death penalty a second time after that performance. Besides , do you really think that any one of those guys want to go out there again after having a guy catch 7 td. Passes on them? Memo to SMU coach Phil Bennett: feel free to mix in a double team.

Alex Zanardi is going to make a one race comeback despite losing both of his legs in a crash back in September of 2001. Look, I understand that these guys are wired differently than the rest of us and that it takes a different dude to get into one of those rigs to begin with. But my man has no sticks. And he still wants back in his rig. And this isn't some choreographed Nykeska sales type stunt to get him a record. He's going to race in a specially designed BMW at the Oct. 19 Fia European touring car championship in Monza. Alex Zanardi might be the ultimate male.

The New York jets are falling after falling to 0-3 and getting knocked out by the beaten down New England Patriots Sunday. Hate to say it, but running back Curtis martin isn't running downhill, he's going downhill. The numbers don't lie: he's 30, never a good thing for a running back, and he has just 133 yards rushing, and no T.D.'s in three games. It reminds me of something the jets told me last year when we called to book martin as a guest on my radio show: "Curtis only does positive interviews." I respect that. But it's awfully hard to keep it positive when your season just ended only three weeks after it started.

It was 20 years ago this week that Austrian body builder Arnold Schwarzeneggar became a u.s. citizen. Fast forward 2 decades, several unwatchable movies, at least one orgy that we know of, some dope smoking, and steroid shooting, and he is trying to become governor of this state. Utterly hilarious. Yeah, right up until the point that he is elected and me and the other 34.5 million people who live here have to deal with the consequences. I don't think starring in kindergarten cop qualfies him to run the world's fifth largest economy.

Tiki Barber, Brian Kelly