ROME IS BURNINGMiami Hurricanes tight-end Kellen Winslow has so much game, it's stupid, but he's out of control and it's hurting his team. He was flagged in Saturday's loss to Tennessee for ripping off his lid and nearly was flagged for standing over and taunting Vol Corey Campbell who he had just blown up. Winslow lashed out after the loss saying "It's a war. They're out to kill you, so I'm out to kill them. I'm a bleeping solider." For the last time, football is not war, war is war. Until you get hit with an anthrax blast going over the middle, you're not a soldier. And standing over a guy you just jacked up isn't being emotional, it's being bush. What good is making a play that no one else can make if you're going to negate it with a stupid penalty because you can't check yourself. As for that apology: A day late, a buck short.
The defending Super Bowl champion Tampa Bay Bucs look like they're one and done. Best team in football? They're three games worse than the Carolina Panthers. The Bucs talk all the same junk they did last year but they're not backing it up this season. And their 4-5 record isn't about them having a bullseye on their back, or a brutal schedule or injury. It's about them not playing nearly as hard or having the sense of urgency that they did last year. And no, they aren't one of the best defensive teams in history either. That's a joke. Great defensive teams don't let Jake Delhomme go the length of the field to win a game when their season hangs in the balance.
"Magician" David Blaine has announced his next scam, err, stunt. He's going to drop out of a helicopter into some river. He says that if he doesn't hit the water just right, he could suffer paralysis. Look, freak, we've had about enough of you. Sitting in a plastic box for a few weeks without grub isn't magic, it's fasting. Losers with a point to make do it all the time. As far as you risking paralysis in this so-called dive of death, that's a joke too. A deek, a trick, a sleight of hand. Again, if you want to show the world just how great a magician you really are, just make yourself disappear once and for all.
Looking to stack advantages in his case for reinstatement, Pete Rose reportedly has become a race horse owner for the first time. A guy banned from the sport for life because of gambling, is about to get another shot for no other reason than the commissoner rolled over, and he goes out and buys a race horse. Are you freaking kidding me? What, you couldn't get a job dealing blackjack? Why not just show up at Bud Selig's office and start throwing dice in the hallway. That's dumb and it's arrogant.
The world of sports has another entry in the battle against impotency. First, it was Rafael Palmeiro pimping the' little blue miracles' to combat a malfunctioning unit. Then it was that old guy loading up on Levita so he could repeatedly pump balls into that swinging hole. And now, Cialis has agreed to a deal with the PGA Tour. I can only imagine how this one is going to go. They'll have some guy in his 50's standing on the first tee in the cold, misty air with a bent up, limp driver in his hands. He dribbles drive after drive off the front of the tee box. Then he'll slam a handful of Cialis and start pumping drive after drive down the lush tree filled fairway, until he gets right near the hole. And then take out one of those long putters and slam it right into the hole. Very clever. Why not have some guy come out in a lab coat, and say, "Slam these little pills and you can once again satisfy the requirements of coitus." Believe me, it's would be a lot more subtle.
Joe Paterno continues to fall. The last thing I ever want to do is pile on an elderly and legendary Joepa. But he's not leaving me much choice. Not after losing to Northwestern to remain winless in the Big 11. When asked earlier in the week if he had enough, he said defiantly, "I just like to coach. I can't seem to get that across to people. It isn't a question of ego or games won. I'm a teacher." You just like to coach? You're a teacher? Great, aren't there any high schools, or Pop Warner teams in your area? And it is a question of ego and games won. You have too much of one and not enough of the other. Hate to say it, pops, but this isn't about what you want, it's about what's good for the program. And if you really care about the program, you'll call it a career at season's end.
Ohio St. running back Maurice Clarett is falling. He's already suspended from the team and now comes word that he is flunking two classes, including Phys Ed. How do you fail PE? How does an All-American football player with a National Championship fail PE? Did he try to sneak out of the locker room without a wet towel? On top of that, he was caught sleeping in his African American studies class. This is shocking. Isn't that why Mo Clarett went to Ohio St., to get an education? Never mind being the next Jim Brown, he's well on his way to becoming the next Lawrence Phillips, another guy who just couldn't seem to figure it out.
Someone should go ask Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops why he's so angry. I would, but I'm afraid to. 77-0 over Texas A&M? Are you freaking kidding me? Smackdown of the week? That's the smackdown of the entire year. And it wasn't even that close. It should have been 100. And what the hell happened to A&M? I must have been in the basement or something the day they turned into SMU. Didn't they used to be hard? Didn't they used to show up, lock people up, allow negative yardage rushing and 2 first downs the entire game. A&M coach Dennis Franchione blew up Alabama's program and is now trying to do the same to A&M's. How long before that guy tries to sell me a life insurance policy? And memo to whoever is unlucky enough to draw Bob Stoops in the Sugar Bowl. Don't look directly at Bob Stoops. Don't say anything to Bob Stoops. Just show up, let him score his 50 on you and then just be happy it wasn't 100.
Diff'rent Strokes star Dana Plato was born this week in 1964. Yet another child star who was ill equipped to deal as an adult and ended up in porn before dying of a drug overdose. Mr. Drummond seemed to be a nurturing caring father, but all of his kids are a mess. She OD'ed, Willis did time and even worse, appeared on celebrity boxing. And Arnold is selling his silverware on Ebay, grovelling for women on celebrity dates and running for governor. Maybe Kimberly was the one who got off easy.
Here's one for all the gambling degenerates out there. Not that you suckers didn't know this already but Rutgers went into Saturday's game as the only unbeaten team in America. Unbeaten against the spread that is. 4-4 overall. But 8-0 ATS. Of course, every greasy guy with a bad sportscoat and a 900-line busted out with that one for their '5 -star, lock of the century' pick. Well, at least half of you get that one, and the other half got UConn. Shoot, like Fox, I have blown the lid off one of life's greatest magic tricks. sorry about that. What I've never understood is if these guys are so good, at picking games, why do they need my credit card number. Oh and for the record, Rutgers was a 7 point dog going in. The final score: 38-31, UConn, proving the only guys who actually have a system who are the guys laying the odds. That freak in the back room moving the line knows more about football than Bill Parcells ever did.