ROME IS BURNINGA quick question to all of you who were offended by Nicollete Sheridan jumping into Terrell Owens arms before Monday's Philly-Dallas game. Have you never seen an NFL game? If that Desperate Housewives promo is that offensive, how do you reconcile all the low angle shots of the cheerleaders, the beer commercials with scantily clad women rolling around in the mud, or twin sisters rubbing up against one another or the penile enlargement and erectile dysfunction ads, that caution against four hour erections? How is any of that different from that promo? How is one any more offensive than any of the others? And were you offended by the sexual innuendo, or were you offended because a white woman jumped into an African-American's arms?
Gary Sheffield and his wife reportedly are alleged targets in an extortion plot. Derrick Mosley, 38 of Chicago, describes himself as a minister and was charged Monday with operating a scheme to defraud for allegedly attempting to extort money from a pro athlete who was not named. Isn't that every dude's worst nightmare? A home made porn tape starring your wife and R Kelly, but not starring you? Memo to all athletes and wives of athletes: do not tape your acts of freakery. Otherwise the tape is going to end up in the hands of some dirtball pretending to be a minister who is going to try to blackmail you with it. Tape your kids' birthday parties, not your sex acts.
Tiger Woods is bent that the tabloids were all over his wedding, saying he felt violated. "It's wild. I'm a golfer. Not a Hollywood person…I thought it was invasive. There's no doubt about it." Stop it, E. Just stop it. Enough with this "I'm just a golfer nonsense." You're not. You're probably pushing a billion in the bank and you have a commercial on television every four seconds; you're a celebrity and you know it. Don't insult me by spreading this garbage around. If you want your wedding to be a private affair, give back all the money and perks and bennies and go be a club pro somewhere and then no one will bother you. Otherwise, shut your pie hole and deal with it. Bad take Eldrick.
It has not been a good year for Nebraska's first year head coach Bill Callahan. Callahan celebrated Saturday's loss to Oklahoma by calling Sooner fans "hillbillies", and chasing it with a nice expletive. Seriously, if you can't keep that hillbilly blast in your mouth, you are a mess. Callahan demands that his players keep their heads, and then he gets rattled by some smack talking college students. Don't sweat it, coach. If you can't avoid getting hooked by beered up fans or your west coast offense doesn't take , you can always fire up that second career as Beau Bridges stunt double. That's still an option.
Just when you think there's nothing left for the man to do in his sport, Takeru Kobyashi turns it up a notch. Switching "disciplines" Kobyashi smashed the world record for eating hamburgers, crushing 68 in 8 minutes recently in Tennessee. Dude is the freaking Bo Jackson of competitive eating. He took home $10K for the win. Good. He'll need it. It's going to cost at least that much to get his stomach pumped. This guy is sick. First hot dogs and now burgers?! How many jars of mayonnaise could he kill? How many sticks of butter can he jam down his throat? Kobyashi may be Japanese, but he's already an American icon. And no wonder the rest of the world hates us.
Orlando Magic star Grant Hill is on the rise, after missing huge chunks of the last 3 seasons with that trick ankle. His return this year has been nothing short of remarkable. He's averaging 19 and 6 a night and has made a previously horrible Magic team competitive. Most had left this guy for dead. And considering the jack he's banked, and the life he has off the floor, he really didn't have to come back. Look, I'm not sure how long it's going to last, but the fact that he has even made it to this point tells you all you need to know about Grant Hill . It tells you he has a helluva lot more heart than he's been given credit for.
Much to the public's horra, former wrestler Chyna and Sean Waltman are going to release their very own sex tape. The last thing this world needs is some allegedly scandalous porn tape that mysteriously jumped out of a locked vault and is now making the rounds so the shocked and horrified participants can get paid. Normally, I'd say that but, this is different. Now we're finally going to find out what Chyna's deal is. She once came on my show, was a great guest and then gave me a little peck on the cheek. At the time, I didn't know whether to be aroused. Or, well,….not to be. And I still don't. Fortunately, I will soon.