ROME IS BURNINGAs I'm sure you've heard, New York Yankee Jason Giambi reportedly admitted to a federal grand jury that he took steroids and human growth hormone in 2003. Strange, he didn't seem like a steroid guy: the sudden weight loss, the disproportionate upper body, the seemingly misshapen head, the mysterious illnesses. This truly is shocking. Right, and so was the sun coming up this morning. And can we now finally stop saying that this garbage doesn't work? Jason Giambi, MVP. Ken Caminiti, MVP. Jose Canseco, MVP. Barry Bonds, 800+ bombs and MVP. If it didn't work, they wouldn't do it. And while a lot of you still don't care if they do, you should. It's cheating. Giambi took an illegal substance, that's against the rules and it creates an unleveled playing field. He had an unfair advantage. It does matter.
By now I'm sure you've all heard, New York Mets pitcher Kris Benson's wife Anna told Howard Stern, that if her old man ever runs around on her, she will pay him back by having sex with all of his teammates. "If you get caught, I am going to screw everybody on your entire team. Coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his whole team…everybody would get a turn." What about the groundskeeper? Does he get some of that too? That would be like your wife telling you, cheat on me, and I'll get with every one of your friends…and your boss…and your brother…you have to be kidding me about that? And it's not like he can complain, she'll just go sleep with his pitching coach. You just know his teammates are following him around with a video camera, telling him, "do it dude, there's no way, she'll find out", only to run to her and say, "Anna, Anna he did it. I'm first."
Los Angeles Dodgers loose cannon Milton Bradley was arrested early Thanksgiving for investigation of disorderly conduct. Authorities in Copley, Ohio say police pulled over a friend of his driving in another car so he stopped and screamed down the cops. At one point, Bradley reportedly put his hands behind his back and said, "Go ahead and arrest me." So…they did. Go ahead and arrest me?! You know what, I think we will. It doesn't appear that Milton's anger management counseling sessions are taking. If he's not firing plastic bottles into the stands, he's screaming at the cops. If he's not screaming at the cops, he's calling newspaper guys uncle tom. Milton Bradley is a pretty good player, but not worth all that trouble. Barry Bonds isn't worth all that trouble.
Rising,USC quarterback Matt Leinart who might have ripped the Heisman trophy with his 5 TD, 400 yard effort against Notre Dame. He's your guy. It's not his fault everyone talked up his teammate Reggie Bush for most of the season. It's not his fault voters on the east coast don't see him play. It's not his fault he got Ty Willingham fired. Alex Smith doesn't play in a major conference. Cedric Benson plays for a team with a loss and teammates Jason White and Adrian Peterson are going to split the vote at Oklahoma. Leinart's your guy.
Rising, the Hong Kong table tennis team which was honored recently for winning the silver medal at the Olympic games in Athens. And their award for this phenomenal achievement? Lifetime train passes. They spend an entire lifetime devoting themselves to training, conditioning, nutrition, and practicing self-denial and self-sacrifice, and for what? A free ride on the train?! Are you kidding me? Couldn't they have at least given them the cash equivalent? You know, the $85 bucks or whatever it was. What does the gold medal get you? Free bus transfers for life? Train tickets? Giving them nothing would have been better than giving them a train pass.
Rising, Fred Couples. Is there a bigger lock anywhere than Fred Couples? He was doing nothing all year long, then gets up off his couch just in time to earn his annual income at the Skins Game. Tiger Woods rinsed his shot on the fourth playoff hole and Freddie walked away with a cool $640k for his troubles. The guy has made $3 and half mill off the Skins Game alone. The only bigger lock than Fred winning is the forced and witty repartee from the mic'ed participants. Nice chip Tiger. Good putt, Annika. Nice ball Adam Scott- whoever you are. Good swing Fred. If they were to rip this event off of TV once and for all, would anyone other than Fred Couples even know, or care?
Falling, Minnesota T-Wolves big man Michael Olowokandi. From first pick overall in 1998 to being stun-gunned by cops recently for refusing to leave Tiki Bob's a club in Indianapolis. That's a pretty significant fall. And who doesn't leave when the cops ask them to? I can't think of a single night in a club worth trading for a taser blast, or Billy club up side the head. When the police say leave Tiki Bob's, the appropriate response is not, "make me." Because that's exactly what a lot of those guys signed up for. To make you. Olowokandi later apologized for being a distraction. While he's at it, he should also apologize for stealing Minnesota's money and being arguably the worst number one pick of all time.