Karl Malone is furious with Kobe Bryant and says that's the reason that he's not returning to the Lakers. Malone reportedly is bent that Bryant went on a radio show and said that he didn't think Malone would be back and that his failure to return wasn't fair to the guys who were there. Clearly, something happened between Bryant and Malone. Malone wouldn't blow up a bridge in LA over one radio interview. Something happened between the two of them. Bryant has run off Shaq O'Neal, Philip and now the mailman.

And I guarantee some of the new Lakers are already tired of him. Go ask Lamar Odom how much he likes being a Laker. Ask him if he enjoys never touching the ball. Trust me, Malone won't be the last guy Bryant runs off.

MLB players have given union leaders the go ahead to reach an agreement with owners on tougher testing for steroids. It was either that, or just go the other way and open the flood gates completely. Let them take whatever, whenever they want. I mean how great would it be to see Barry Bonds in the on deck circle, chugging 'the clear' and furiously rubbing 'the cream' all over his body before his next at bat? Let's just see how big Jason Giambi's head can get. I'd like to see him make a run at having the world's first double digit sized dome. That's what I really want to see. But short of that I'll just settle for them cleaning up their sport.

Speaking of bonds, I'm not saying he lied when he said he didn't know what 'the cream' and 'the clear' were, I'm just saying I don't believe him. I'm just saying I'm not a moron and he should stop insulting me. Actually, I guess I am saying he's lying. Didn't know?! How could he not know? Look, if he didn't know, it's because he didn't want to know, and if he didn't want to know, it's because he already did know. And if he didn't know, wouldn't he have figured it out right around the time he started outgrowing his hats and batting helmets, started growing muscles on his forehead, and realized he could bench press SBC Park. Didn't know? Stop treating me like I'm stupid because I'm not.

Now I'll listen to the argument that Texas is more deserving of a BCS bid than Cal, but don't tell me Cal didn't get jammed up because they did. Cal goes on the road and beats Southern Miss by double digits, while Texas sits at home, watches the game on TV and jumps right over the bears and into the Rose Bowl. That is garbage. And you have to love Mack Brown saying he felt empathy for Cal coach Jeff Tedford. He was begging for votes at the expense of Cal, but he felt sorry when it went his way. Oh, o.k.. Yes, his begging for votes worked, but just because something works, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. And begging for votes is beneath a guy like that. Or at least I thought was.

Rising, my fascination with the alleged beat down Liza Minnelli laid on estranged husband David Gest. Usually, my interest in celebrity feuds lasts a week or two and then I'm on to the next thing. But not with this one. I never get tired of hearing Gest claim that Liza beat him up. He now claims that he couldn't work for a year and a half after receiving a close handed concussion to the head. That's a quote. Did she hit him or bounce one of her gin bottles off his dome? Yeah, like I'm ever going to get tired of hearing about how she rolled this guy up. Bro, keep it coming. Tell me again about the time that booze bag tried to rip out your hair plugs. I love that one.

Falling, Ron Artest. Chapter III, the CD that Artest pimped relentlessly when he should have been apologizing for starting that riot in the D, is tanking badly. The CD had sold just 800 copies recently despite being in more than 14,000 retail outlets. Looks like dude better make another Today Show run because that disc ain't moving. And he's going to have to find another way to recoup the $5 mil he lost for going into the stands after the wrong fan, because record sales aren't going to cover cab fair. And maybe, just maybe, the buying public was just a little put off by his releasing his disc just after starting the ugliest incident in league history. If half a million is gold, and a million is platinum, what are 800? Tin? Plastic? Congratulations, Ron on your CD going wood.

Falling, nickel back Deion Sanders. Nothing says "prime time" quite like missing the last four games and playing in just 6 of Baltimore's 12 games this season. Deion said, "It's somewhat disappointing that things happened that I can't control." The only thing out of your control is your ego; it was your ego that put you back in pads after retiring 3 years ago. How could this have gone any other way than it did? You had nothing left when you shut it down the first time? That's why you retired, remember? Speaking of retiring, it's about time to retire the 'prime time' moniker. Unfortunately, from here on out we're going to have to go with 'tape delayed'. As in Deion tape delayed Sanders is questionable this week.

And finally, having the remaining $19 million dollars on his contract voided after he got with a hooker probably was not was Colorado pitcher Denny Neagle was hoping for. Neagle was arrested for solicitation after paying Jill Russell for her services. Jill Russell or Kurt Russell? Why is it that when I look at Jill Russell I see Alice Cooper? In fact, if you look at that picture long and don't blink, she'll morph into Michael Bolton. Actually, I don't know what I see; I just know what I don't see. A woman. I think. That could turn out to be a $19 million dollar speeding ticket. Hope that was worth it, D.