ROME IS BURNING
Memo to the New York Yankees: why stop with Alex Rodriguez.? Don't stop until you get Barry Bonds to DH or maybe Eric Gagne to set up Mariano Rivera. Why not just bring in Josh Beckett and Mark Prior, you know, for the future. Just park those guys in Triple-A until they're ready. I guess George Steinbrenner didn't like the D-backs, Angels and Marlins winning it all as much as the rest of us did. Look, the only thing this deal guarantees is that they better win it all or careers and lives will be ruined. World Series or bust! Nothing else is good enough. Is it good for the game? Probably not. But, one two-game losing streak and George will start breaking guys off and Yankee fan will go Ed Whitson on Jon Lieber, leaving rusted nails and tacks on his driveway. No, it's not good for the game, but it's going to be great for my show.

Now comes word that Barry Bonds' personal trainer and friend, Greg Anderson provided several big leaguers with steroids. Again, I don't know if Bonds is roided up or not, but it's almost impossible to give him the benefit of the doubt at this point. Although he's not talking, here's what we're left with: A) he didn't know his trainer was a dealer. Even if I accept that, he should have known. B) He knew, but didn't drug up himself. What, and risk tainting his legacy by associating with a 'roid peddler . C) Anderson supplied him with drugs. Then he's a cheater and a druggie and his career is tarnished. Balls in your court Barry. What did you do? And why did you associate with a guy like this? And yes, you are innocent until proven guilty, but the evidence certainly is mounting.

The feel good story of the early year has to be John Daly winning his first PGA Tour event in 9 years. JD is an absolute beauty. He wins the British Open title in 95, then proceeds to get addicted to booze, gambling, grub, wives, and shows up on the internet with naked women. I'd love to say that JD has turned the corner, beat back all his demons, and that he's back, but I just don't see it. Unless he has put down the heaters, Spunkmeyers, long necks, internet skanks and dice, he was more likely able to catch lightening in the bottle for a weekend. Nevertheless, at least chip off a twenty from your winner's check and get yourself a decent haircut.

St. Joe's guard Jameer Nelson is on the rise. Pound for pound, the best player in America, and your player of the year. Sure, there are other great players, but no one means more to their team than Nelson. Never mind his team, he has gotten his whole program and university on his back. Nelson has taken a tiny school, put it on the cover on Sports Illustrated and made it the hottest story in all of college basketball, virtually by himself. Jameer Nelson. Man.

Boston Red Sox owner John Henry suffered the meltdown of the week. After the Yankees pulled A-rod out of Texas, Henry who tried to deal for A-rod himself, now says the sport needs a salary cap. "To deal with a team that has gone so insanely far beyond the resources of all the other teams." The guy who's paying Man-Ram $160 million thinks the sport needs a salary cap. You didn't think the sport needed a salary cap when you thought had a deal for A-rod, but now that he's in pinstripes, baseball can't survive without it? What?! Just because the Yanks outmaneuvered you for A-rod doesn't mean the sport needs a cap.

Actress Molly Ringwald was born this week in 1968, although she probably wishes it had been 1988.

That way she could still be starring in all those movies about teenage angst. Pretty tough to get work as an awkward 16 year old when you're turning 36. She may have been pretty in pink at 16, but it's safe to assume no one cares whether or not she's going to get with Jonathan Bender when she's pushing 40.

Look at the bright side, 80's nostalgia has never been hotter. You may as well go wait by the phone, "Where Are They Now" will be calling any second. Happy birthday, M.

While everybody who is somebody has commented on the A-rod deal, the only guy who really matters has finally spoken. J-lo's ex-boyfriend, Ben Affleck, tried to smack the boss. "You know George Steinbrenner is the center of all evil in the universe. Eventually they might be able to buy everybody. That's what the Yankees are, a bunch of mercenaries." We can all rest easier, now that noted Red Sox honk Ben Affleck has spoken. Benny, riding your boy Matt Damon's coattails and then J. Lo's was bad enough; but now you're analyzing baseball trades. Why? Now, if someone wanted to ask Matty what he thought, I'd understand that. He's talented and I can actually sit through his movies. If the Red Sox make any more moves, I'm sure you'll be the first one to be notified. Until then, please just go away.

ARCHIVES
Tiki Barber, Brian Kelly