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"Borat" has grossed $120 million at the box office. Scott Boras has negotiated record-setting deals for his clients and just signed Daisuke Matsuzaka to the Red Sox for $52 million.

But who comes out on top in our tale of the tape?


Wrestles with: Fat, naked, very hairy cameramen Fat, presumably not naked, very rich businessmen Borat
Travels across America to: Expose the warts of America Expose the stupidity of general managers Borat
Fleeces: Residents of small Romanian village who were not paid nor told they would be depicted as ignorant criminals, whores and racists Rulers of Red Sox Nation who were forced to pay more than $100 million for a pitcher who has never thrown a major league pitch Boras
Phrase that makes peoples' skin crawl: "Can you sign this release form?" "He's a Scott Boras client" Borat
Secretly desires:
Pam Anderson

$100 million contract for oft-injured outfielder J.D. Drew
Can't believe he once: Left his "mark" in a cloth baggie Got the Dodgers to pay $105 million for Kevin Brown Boras
Could be convicted in court for: Entrapment of college frat boys The Darren Dreifort contract ($55 million, 9 wins) Boras. Five percent of $55 million is $2.75 million
Landmark career move:
Gets booed singing national anthem at rodeo

Negotiated $252 million contract for Alex Rodriguez
Not quite as clever as you think: The prostitute in the movie is actually a comedian and actress Couldn't get Daisuke Matsuzaka ($52 million) a bigger contract than Gil Meche ($55 million) Boras. Five percent of $52 million is still $2.6 million
Tells people to say: "Niiice!" "I just want to give it my best shot and Good Lord willing, things'll work out" Borat
Sleeps on: Sidewalk outside convention hall Bed of gold with 1,000-thread count sheets of imported Italian silk and quilt made from rare Tanzanian ostrich feathers Borat
In event of nuclear war: Survives in small village in Kazakhstan Survives along with George Steinbrenner and attempts to negotiate $100 million contract for a cockroach Borat

Winner: Borat. Greed is overrated. A funny movie makes us laugh.