By Dan Shanoff
Page 2 columnist

The last thing you want to do this summer is be caught spouting last season's wisdom when talking about what's hot right now. Whether you are having the casual conversation at the office, arguing in the bar's outdoor beer garden or trying to impress that hottie at the beach party, keep in mind Page 2's guidelines for what's in and what's passe for Summer 2004:

Category Hot Not Hot
Lance Armstrong

MLB HR race
Playground game Dodgeball Streetball
Nickname "Doc Ock" (say, Octavio Dotel?) "Spider-Man" (F1's Helio C)
Dude, she's how old?
Maria Sharapova

Mary-Kate Olsen
Ride Pocket bikes Pimped anything
Gadget Pedometers PDAs
Summer's sexiest Olympic swimmers Olympic volleyballers
Steroid issue
Track stars

Baseball players
Asian sensation Shingo Takatsu (CWS) Kaz Matsui (NYM)
Must-listen CD Beastie Boys Outkast
Cheater?! Rick Fox Marion Jones
Comedian Graham Norton Andy Dick
Controversial Every Olympic event "This Time It Counts"
Beach read "Wisdom of Crowds" "Da Vinci Code"
Catwoman leather

Superhero logo T-shirts
Golf strength Whatever Phil's doing Big drives
Easy Summer Dating Craig's List Friendster
Toast of England Tim Henman David Beckham
Drink No-carb liquor Low-carb cola
Jersey Kobe Clippers No. 8 Retro anything
Attribute Hottie in a bikini Smarty in a bridle
Soccer ticket Euro teams on US tour Women's soccer "festivals"
Mini-camp QB battle
Giants (Warner/Manning)

Chargers (Rivers/Brees)
NBA owner Still Mark Cuban Lakers' Jerry Buss
Must-see pitcher 40-y.o. Roger Clemens Phenom Dontrelle Willis
Olympic hoops ticket USA in Medal Round Gold Medal game (when US ain't in it)
NBA Summerleague headline "Teen Screamer!" "Foreign Invasion!"
New York Hot Seat Yankees GM Brian Cashman Yankees SS Derek Jeter
Reality TV "Wife Swap" Hair salons
Poker game "World Series 2004" Running "The Casino"
NBA Bandwagon
New-look Rockets

Busted-up Lakers
MLB Bandwagon Devil Rays Red Sox
Boxing momentum Tyson-Jones Foreman-Anyone
Coaches under fire "Strength" trainers College football assistants
Lockout! NBA NHL
Needs more college FB hype Florida QB Chris Leak USC WR Mike Williams
NBA free-agency sleeper Quentin Richardson Darius Miles
Ride Hybrid Hummer
Blast it Move Ya Body (Nina Sky) Redneck Woman (Gretchen Wilson)
Name to know Michael Phelps Kobe's judge

Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. His "Daily Quickie" commentary appears every weekday morning.